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      Reconnected yet were not able to be together


22 years later.  The first time we saw each other I remember like it was a minute ago.  I had gotten into MVA, the roads were icy and the car behind me had slammed into me and almost pushed me into an oncoming train.  I'm not kidding.  The car only pushed me about two feet toward the down gate in front of the railroad tracks.  My truck was dented.  I brought it to the autobody shop to be fixed.  When I came to pick it up, there was a young man doing something to a vehicle, squatted down by it.  He looked up and stared.  I was a beautiful young lady, I was use to the looks.  However, i usuaslly didn't acknowledge them.  This one was different.  He just stared and I was locked in his gaze.  We didn't say anything to each other and I left.  His brother had phoned me the next week and asked me out, my response was - Do you know how old I am?  (he was 36, and I was only 19).  I told my colleage what happened and how gross I thought it was, and that I had liked his little brother.  So, he called me the next day!  We went to a play at the university, Agnes of God, he brought me home.  He remembers that he kissed me at my door, and stumbled on the porch steps, and that I giggled at that.  We dated and loved each other.  We had nothing but fun.  He wanted to settle down with me, and I wasn't ready.  I wanted to move out of town, and he had just moved to this town.  We drifted apart w/o ever talking about it.  He moved in with my brother in hopes of seeing me when I visited from out of town, i never did.  He said he knew it bothered me that he lived with my brother.  We hooked up once at 23 & again at 25 years old.  I got married, i thought of him.  I had a baby I thought of him.  At the age of 35 I realized I needed to talk to him.  I called his brothers, I called him and left a message he never got.  I called his work.  I didn't try too hard, I was afraid of rejection .  Finally, at 41, last year I found him in the paper.  He was an inmate...  Finally 3 months later, I sent a letter.  Over the phone we reconnected.  We picked up right where we left off.  We finally talked about how we drifted apart and why.  I went to visit him back home, he was transferred thru my city, where we got to visit twice a week for 4 months.  We still love each other but he's facing 10-16 years more.  (drugs).  He is still the same boy I loved before, that is who i loved.  He also has this whole life that I find different than mine,  I don't understand his choices.  Addiction is so costly.  I'm glad I didn't witness that part of  his life.  I'm glad i got to see him again, to tell him I love you, and to hear it back.  I've gotten to hear his dreams, his regrets, and his fears, his hope, and his desperation.  When you love someone, the heart can make no sense, despite the obstacles we face, we sustain hope, as that is all we have left. 


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