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      The girl at Uni


Many†people question the belief of heaven and hell, and say angels donít exist. Others are certain they do, and go through their whole life looking for proof of it in everything they do. Me, Iím not certain.† I donít know if heaven or hell exists. I donít know if there are angels with wings, or demons with horns. However, I maybe have found the closet person alive to being an angel. I say that, because she is the most amazing person Iíve ever met, the most down to earth person Iíve ever met, and the only person who can really make me feel warm when she hugs me. And, maybe, by the end of this, you would realise how amazing this person is, and why I say she is an angel.This is such a stupid problem; I donít even know why I have to write it down in order to work out that I shouldnít be having any thoughts of feelings for this other girl. Iím even more confused about why Iím not only going to let you read this, but tell you about it when you donít even know the background of my relationship or anything else.Iíve been dating my girlfriend now for 3 months. Itís a bit of a complicated relationship. Her parents are unaware about me, and the idea she has is to tell her parents she met me at university. I decided to go along with it, simply because I doubt any parent would like to know that their daughter is dating someone they met on the internet.Again, it turns confusing. It wasnít an internet chat room that we met in, but a website built around our university. Therefore, we had, at least, the reassurance we were who we said we were. But, even so, I can understand her reluctance, and mine, to tell our parents of our real place of meet.Anyway, like I said, weíve been dating now for three months, and, being perfectly honest, it has been the best three months of my entire life. All I am ever doing now is smile, and she has been exactly the same. We have never had any arguments, and never cause problems for each other with social lives or interfering in who each other sees. In fact, we are quite a laid back couple, in the sense that we donít cross examine each other after each night.However, that all changed Friday night. Not in the sense that she started getting funny because I was going out, because I donít, but because I allowed myself to feel for another girl, and accept my impulses. It was so stupid the way everything happened. One minute we are watching DVDís on the sofa, a group of about 10 of us. Then some of them decided to grab duvetís and keep warm under them. So, anyway, I got invited to go under one of the covers by two girls. At this time, I didnít think anything of it, given that everyone else was doing it. However, after a few hours one of the girls started to rest on my shoulder. Now, at this point, I feel it would be a good idea to point out that when I was at college; I always had girls cuddle up to me, simply because I was a sweet and caring guy, according to them. So anyway, when she laid her head on my shoulder, I rested my head on hers. Nothing else meant. It was all innocent. Even after a while when I put my arm round her, it was just for her to be more comfortable. Anyway, I started stroking the top of her shoulder, all mindlessly, as I wasnít really paying much attention. Problem came when I started paying attention to what I was doing and didnít stop myself. Anyway, when the DVD ended, we all moved around a bit, some to get drinks, others to stretch legs, so by the time the second DVD started, we were both sitting up properly on the sofa, without any hint of the cuddle which had just occurred.During this DVD however, hands were held. Although this is as far as anything ever went, minus a small kiss on the top of her head, I have felt guilty about it all night and day, trying to work out the best way to continue acting around her. I decided the best way to act as if nothing had happened, and just see what her reaction was to that night.So, that was my first night at my campus. Second day, I was out of Wye at London, visiting my parents, so I was able to avoid any meeting in case she had any form of regret from the night before. Coming back in the evening, most people were going out for the night. Deciding this would be a good opportunity to stay in and sort my head out; I turned down their offer of going out for the night.After about half hour of writing down my thoughts, the girl turned up. I couldnít work out whether this was a good thing or not. However, as one of her friends was with her at the time, I felt it was a good thing, as nothing would be able to either repeat itself or anything happen. So there we are talking, and her friend mentions she wants to play poker. So I was up for that, until I found out that we were going up to her room to play the game. I wasnít certain if that was the best idea, given what had happened the night before, and my uncertainty about what I wanted to happen between us. However, I thought not a lot could happen, given someone else was there as well.And for the majority of the night, I was correct. We just stayed there playing poker. Even after her friend left, and the poker had all finished, we just stayed there chatting away. However, I soon played myself into a position I shouldnít of. Seeing that it was coming to 0100 and many of the clubbers would be back soon, I suggested that we should go downstairs to where the sofaís and television was, and we wait to see what state they came back in.So we went down to the lounge area, and both sat on the same sofa, but without cuddling into each other. Slight confusion, was she unsure about my thinking from the previous night, or did she not like it, and didnít was another cuddle to happen again? I had no idea, but was now sitting there totally confused, not being able to read any signals, or even work out if any were being given off.When the people all came back, we had a good laugh about what state they were in, and joined in the conversations with a few of them. By the time all the others had gone back to bed, we were finally cuddling up on the sofa, me gently rubbing her arm and stroking her hair. Maybe saying finally is a bit too much, given that I didnít want it to reoccur, quite as much, but when she moved in for a cuddle, it felt amazing, as always.By the end of the night, I felt so happy, and was really enjoying cuddling up to her. As we both departed for bed, she gave me a goodnight hug at the stairs. It felt so amazing, with so much warmth and feeling behind it; I couldnít help but go back to my room and fall asleep with a massive smile both on my face, but also inside my chest.However, it was Sunday that everything advanced and got to the point where I wasnít sure what hints were being dropped, and what she was thinking or feeling. Yet, all I know is, I was enjoying every minute I spent with her, but wasnít regretting my thought or feelings.We were once again on the sofa watching DVDís, and, although she didnít come cuddling into me, I still starting running my finger along her foot, slowing moving it up her calf. I spent so long doing that, I totally lost track of time. It was literally as if time had stood still, and nothing else mattered in the world. When I moved my hand up to her knee and started stoking her knee, she told me I had given her goose bumps. I asked her if she got them for good or bad reasons, but she said no idea. Yet, surely, because she felt it was worth telling me, it must have been a good thing. Why else would she tell me unless she wanted me to know?† Maybe she was possibly hinting that she liked me, but didnít want to tell it direct to me, in case I didnít like her. Or maybe she was just enjoying it, but didnít like me and didnít want it to stop. Maybe that was the case because she didnít ask me to stop.So maybe this was the time to tell her I liked her. Perhaps she set it up to get a response from me and find out what I thought and felt. If it was, I missed it, because I didnít tell her. Instead, I just carried on stoking her leg, but moved round to the back of her leg, stroking her thigh, running my hand all the way down to her bum. After doing this for a while, she told me I was teasing her. So that must mean she is enjoying it. And I also took that as my cue to tell her that I liked her. So I told her. And she told me she had guessed. I guess I had been obvious. But she also told me she didnít want a university relationship, which really suited me, because I didnít want a relationship with her. But not because I didnít like her, or because I wouldnít of been happy with her, but because I didnít want too loose her, and felt she could be a person I could trust and turn to when I needed help or someone to talk to.Although she never told me that she liked me, Iíve partially guessed she might do. But, then again, Iíve never been that good at reading signs or interpreting those little inklings which are given. However, what I do know is, I will never forget this angel. For she truly is an angel, even though she doesnít believe they exist. Sure, she may not have wings or live on a cloud, but, to me, she is the only person who could be close to an angel. For she is amazingly beautiful, a being who I could never of imagined existed.And a person who makes me truly feel at ease with myself and totally happy.


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