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      I'm over it

     


I'm over it, I'm over it, I'm over it, i'm over it. I have to tell myself that 20 times a day. To remind myself. I have to tell myself not to grind my teeth in annoyance when he flirts with my friends, or to hit him over the head when he doesn't say hello to me. I have to keep myself from screaming out in agony every time i see them together in the halls. His arms wrapped around hers, laughing, smiling. It makes me sick.I had loved him, and that i am sure of. That may be the only thing i'm sure of in my whole life. I'm indecisive and not motivated, i'm lazy and forgetful, no guy will ever see my for who i really am inside. All they see is my "beauty". pshh. I have so many things wrong with me, as all people do. But i still loved him. and only him. He was the most handsome boy i had ever layed eyes on. I can't explain to you how gorgeous he is. He made me laugh, as he does with all girls i guess. He made me feel special and wonderful, and beautiful, but not just on the outside on the inside. We never dated, i know thats what you're thinking. we were "talking" at a few points, but really we were just friends. With me pining away for him day in and day out, day in and day out. Till this very day. I gave him a hug today. His hands were on my back for maybe 5 seconds, ours ears touched. and he smelled wonderful. But his arms are always around her, and they always touch, and they always laugh, and talk, and kiss, and love. I love too though, unrequited love of course. With all my experience with men i think that that might be the only kind of love there is. Someone always loves someone else. And it breaks them inside, and kills them inside. Acception is all anyone ever wants in life, and he never accepted me. We would have been perfect together, but he never saw it that way. I think that i may be able to get over him if i just ask why. why did you never love me? Why did you never feel the same? Why are your arms around her waste, and not mine? like they had been that one day..when we had walked down the hall and you quickly put your arm there, and captured my heart...forever.





why??





-J

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