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      Who am i becoming?


well at first i thought i'm alright, i never had any problems in life and now i'm going to tell you how i'm creating heartache and pain, for her and for me. . . . . we met a while ago and at first never spoke much. after a while things seemed to get better, we were sharing everything with each other. she told me about her life and was so open and honest my heart knew that i MUST do something to get her in my life. so i started telling her about myself. i told her everything and shared my life with her 'to a certain extent'. as time passed i told numerous lies just to keep her going and to give me that little bit of extra hope. and now when i look back on it i realize that if this is to be, i can't lie and i feel so very guilty about it however i KNOW if i never told those few lies that i did she'd not be interested in me and it's killing me inside. we call one another every now and then and things started becoming personal. and after all this time i feel i love her and i confessed about my love for her to her. she now feels the same way but i'm not sure if i can live with myself hurting a lady over something simple. (no i never cheated and no i'm not marryed, i told small lies and thought it'd do nothing). i want her to be part of my life but i think it's too little too late for that now. all i must do now is tell her the truth about me. she recently started talking in such a way that i'm so worryed about her, she gets depressed and tells me she only wants what's best for me and crys her heart out. and all the while i'm so afraid that when i tell her she'll do something stupid. i honestly don't know where to go from here. i wonder if i should just disappear not telling her anything and changing my contact details, maybe i'll save her from extreme pain that way. and for the ladys out there, there are good guys in the world that do stupid things for the right intentions. it just gets taken up wrongly. and i'll admit you won't find many good guys but if you do. make sure of yourself and hold onto them forever and the same goes for the guys, there are just as few good ladys in the world as there are guys so give it your life or it's not worth persueing at all. good luck to you people who can manage a life worth living and live it to the fullest. please i'd love to hear your comments on my story.


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