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      Knowing when to let go, no matter how much it hurts

     



I was with someone for 3 years who couldn't open up and let me into his life. Everything we talked about was superficial and he would lie and tell me one side and then around his family and friends he would act and tell a different story. I tried so hard to get him to open up and let me in and tried to be reasonable and understanding but he never came around.


He smoked pot and drank everyday and made me feel like I was the freak for not approving of it. When his kids would come over the only time his kids and my kids liked him and had a good time is if he let them drink or get high. Sexually it used to be great and then I realized that it was me who always the one giving and him occasionally returning the effort. I could catch him masturbating but yet we only had sex once a month. It would hurt me because I was open to pleasing him however he wanted but he would rather please himself.


Every 2 or 3 months I would drink too much from the stress and pain and would end up fighting with him and black out. He's gone now, I kicked him out and even though I miss him I think its really more the shock of being on my own and not being used to the house. I know that in time I will heal and my life will be better when I meet a real man who can share his thoughts with me and not live thru a bottle or a joint.


Sometimes if we go thru the pain of letting go and the fear of the unknown then our lives can be how we dream if we're strong enough to hold onto our values and find someone we can grow together and if we don't have that then there is no point to stay in a relationship that is negative and unempowering.

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