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      My Smile, My Head Held Up High, My Hidden Pain, My Lost Love

     


  My best friend and I had a major painful argument which almost was the end forever and the pain and thought that came with it was almost unbareable. Then he stopped by to ask me out, a man that I had been working with, but I was so upset about the argument my best friend and I had that I just couldn't hold back my tears and I was a little embarrest by it, but then there was his arms reaching out to just give me some comfort.  We talked all night long and watched country vidieo's. Weaks went by and my best friend and I were best friends again, and the man who was there for me that night was the man I fell inlove with, I thought forever until... It was just a few day's before Christmas and things were a little crazy with christmas decorating, gifts to buy and wrap and  me just moving into a new house that was right next to his house.  Yes , he bought me a house for me and my daughter and soon we will take out another loan so that we can build our 2 homes together to make it one big home for us. Well that was suppose to be the plan. We were together 4 years by now and engaged twice. God how I love that man, and yes we had our ups and downs but that's OK we all do.     We have always worked them out before and we really had some ruff ones, but we alway's made it through them.  But not this time, not ever again, because by now there's someone else. Someone we would laugh at because she was so dingy and a  real..  well you can guess, and now she's in my bed, with my man! The man I thought I would be with until we grew old. Now it was just a dream that will never exist for us. The nightmare of living next door to them now, no money coming in for me due to the surgery's on my face which I was going through while we were together. And no I was not ugly, the stitches were small, and of to the side of my face. And 3 small dogs later and my little girl and now a Eviction Notice attached to my door.  I wanted to just die, I missed him so so much, and would have died for this man, the man who put his arms out to help me now was throwing us out to the wolves in the cold forest with no light to find our way back. I have never felt pain like this before. And all that this man has done to me, I still love him. Why? I don't understand, I just don't. Well time has gone and the sun shines again, my smile is bright. I am ready for the world. I missed so much when I was drowning in my broken heart, but I'm alive and need to be for the one who was always there for me and who truely loves me forever until the end of time and I almost forgot about her through all my pain without realizing she to hurt from watching all of my pain. My duaghter! and her name is Danyelle the one who brought sunlight to my life the day she was born. He is no more, gone. I will someday find love again, but until I do, I know were true love and caring lies, Right here in my own home were I thought it would never be again. Just remember It alway's get's the darkest before the light can shine through again, but not to worry because god will make sure of it.  And she was right once again. Thanks Mom

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