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      My heart is broken....

     


when i was 17 years old i met the most amazing guy ever! he was funny, good looking and had a great sense of humor. with him being one of the most popular guys at our college i resigned myself to just being his friend-and i was happy with this too. although for him i was just another friend, he slowly became my everything.



2 years later, when we both left college and went our separate ways i thought i would move on and forget about him. it seems fate wanted to throw us together yet. he just so happened to work right near my uni so we started to spend time again.



another year passed by and i wasn't even interested in being with anyone else. one of my friends decided to intervene and sent us out on a real date. we both had an amazing time and decided that very day to start a relationship (my first).



the first 6 months were somewhat of a blur....i never thought it was possible to be this much in love! his every kiss and touch was like magic. even though our relationship had to be kept secret from both our families, i didn't mind the sneaking round, skipping lectures, canceling on friends as long as i could spend time with him. i also started to spend all my spare money on buying him presents and taking him out and didn't mind that he didn't do any of this in return. soon, things started to change. i could tell he was becoming less interested in me. i changed myself to be who he wanted me to be, i did everything i could, but it obviously wasn't enough. when i confronted him about his change in attitude he said if i didnt like it we should just split up. i was shocked. the person who i love more than anything in this world doesn't want me anymore.....that was 2 months ago now. we decided to stay friends because i dont want to think about my life without him...i just cant comprehend that right now. with each passing day, my love for him grows, even though i am seeing him move on with his life.



there are so many things i miss about him.....the way he kissed me, how i felt when he said 'i love you' and how safe i felt in his arms.

i dont believe that he loved me the way i did him...that type of love--you dont just 'get over'.



my love for him will live on in my heart...i dont know what to do...my life without him seems nothing....i feel like i cant breathe when i realise that i have lost the love of my life....so now, i hate love, because just as i cant force him to love me, i cant force myself to stop loving him......

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