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      It's Killing Me Inside!

     


hi folks I'm 17 yrs old and when i was 15  i meet this one boy that changed my life and who i thought i would be with forever! we meet in English class i was in the back of the class talking mess to my guy friend and one day he came back there because him and my guy friend had 1st hr together and so they began to become friends so he came back there and i wanted his attention so i started talking mess to him to. he thought it was cute and it attracted him to me i guess turned him on because he like girls like that but i didn't know that until we really started talking! he said i kinda reminded him of his mom (kinda creepy doe!)  so i kinda  seduced him into talking to me in a relationship manor first because I'm not the type of girl to talk to boys first! And as the soft boy he was...or use to be he felt for it so we started talking then eventually started going out! i have to admit thought...i didn't like him at first, i didn't think he was my type, he wasn't on my level of cuteness but with me looks isn't everything its what's inside of the person that counts for me but you have to be decent and he was decent enough and plus he was conceited, he thought very highly of himself and you couldn't tell him anything because HE KNEW he was cute nobody what anybody said! but he was everything else funny, outgoing, understanding, gangsta like appeal, bad boy, always getting in trouble, could fight, could dress, caring, some what romantic, just everything i wanted or needed at the time! we could sit on the phone all night till the crack of dawn in talk about  anything sometimes we just sat on the phone not saying a word, we would fall asleep..well i would on the phone with him or he wouldn't let me get off the phone with him until i told him i loved him. even though i didn't love him at the time i just said it so i could get off the phone with him. later on in the relationship i really did start to love him and care a whole lot for him. God must have known how we felt about each other because next thing i know we he got kicked out of school like 2-3 months later so did i and we was both sent to a school for bad kids, we rode the same bus and everything then he moved walking distance from my house so i we was always together mostly i was always over his house! his family liked me especially his mom although i was always at his house and  half the time nobody was home we never had sex. we would mess around and pants would be removed but we never went all the way. i was a virgin and was scared to have sex because of the consequences and plus i wasnt' ready for the pain! but he respected that and never rushed me or made me do anything i didn't want to do ...although I'm sure he wanted to have sex with me really bad because i am a looker and I'm sure he probobly got tired of not getting any but I'm glad we didn't do it! well like any regular relationship we stared to have problems because my sign is a cancer and we are very emotional and very jealous so...you know how that goes especially if your boyfriend is a very friendly person so he cheated on me all together about...3times and to this day he still deny it or say it wasnt  really  cheating but i forgave him for all off em and went back out with him because when he apologized he did it with so much heart and feeling (he has a way with words (also a good mouth piece) so i was a soft a** and felt for it! well the 3rd time was the charm this time he really messed up this time he eneded up getting a nother female pregnant!!! man i just couldn't take it anymore. I cryed everyday even in school. it was so hard to try in keep in the hurt and pain and tears away from my friends and soon to be boyfriend! i havent got over it yet and don't think i am but i learned that there's nothing i can do about it so I'm trying to except it in be happy for him but it just feels like i being fake! he has made it clear that nothing is going to happen between us anymore..what we had or what we could've had is not going to happen and he doesn't care! well being the emotional person that i can't help to be i took that really hard and to the heart!!! you just don't know how bad that hurt me! but I'm now started to get over it and moving on. i mean we still talk but NOWHERE near how we use to. i mean i still have love for him and still love him but i really don't think he feels the same way about me i just don't think he cares about me AT ALL and it really hurts me...WOULDNT IT HURT YA'LL???

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