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      Change is driving us apart



 I feel frustrated about my relationship with her. During the separation and uncertainty surrounding our relationship, I am going through intense heartache (pain, restlessness and suffering). I feel that it is going nowhere, because of her self-centered attitude. Unless she expands her perspective to really see herself and others for who they really are, she will possibly cause more damage than be of assistance to me in the long run. Her existence has become shallow – centered in her routine job, friends, cigarettes, coffees, books and pubbing. Her inability to understand her strengths and weaknesses (in particular) is shocking. She does not seem to be making any efforts to improve her career skills, her lifestyle and her fitness. It seems that she has no goal or motivation in life, and hence she is unable to see my existence for what it is (not a routine one like hers, but based on principles and goals).  She takes comfort in solitude by immersing herself in cigarettes and books. Our relationship began out of a mutual need for companionship of the opposite sex. I was initially not attracted to her physically, but I overcame that by focusing on her good attributes, such as her friendship and warmth.  Also, the fact that we both needed physical and emotional intimacy was a strong bond. Today, though the physical stuff is great (since we have understood each others needs much better), I am not as infatuated with the physical needs as much as I used to be when we started dating. The emotional intimacy and compatibility is now more important than the physical. We have been in different geographical locations for the most part of our relationship (totally for more than 3 years), but yet we salvaged the relationship by travelling to each others locations, and taking vacations together. Some of these trips were very enjoyable and memorable (when we both were salaried employees without much responsibility). However our last vacation trip showed the differences slowly creeping up. The fact that I am an entrepreneur, and that she is a salaried employee has led to differences in our outlook.  It is going to take a lot of change from her side to adapt to the new me, and if she does not do so, we will lose each other. Simply taking fun trips and having super sex will be insufficient to save our relationship. Someone needs to make some sacrifices, and we will have to be in the same geographical location.



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