She has a heart that longs to love and be loved. She knows the tears will not bring her a love and wonders why she lies there night after night with them slowly and quietly, so that her children will not know, rolling down her cheeks. They will not stop.
She longs for that someone to talk to, hold, laugh, play, cry, share life’s loads, and pass the night away with. She doesn’t feel she is wanting too much. After all, isn’t to be loved and love what life is all about?
She wonders why she can’t be satisfied because once in her life she had a love like none the rest. Many never do. Why can’t the memories of that love hold and satisfy her now?
She wakes each morning, faces the day, and begins a new.
She looks at her children and prays that she will always see the smiles they now carry on their faces. She wonders sometimes, if she has taught them to cover the pain, hurt and disappointment or had she taught them when pain, hurt and disappointment comes their way, to wake each morning and face the day.
Smiles come her way often, with real joy behind them. But still she longs to be loved and to love again.
41 years have now passed in her life. Seems like yesterday, she was the apple of her daddy’s eye. Running through the yard, playing with cousins and friends, listening to her mom-maw saying, “man, this year has flown by” and wondering what she meant.
23 years ago, graduating highschool, with the memories of laughter and friends, ball games and studies behind her. A new beginning just ahead of her.
Her highschool sweetheart and her talking of being husband and wife, father and mother one day. Her daddy walking her down the isle, with tears pushing hard to run down his cheeks and he pushing hard not to allow them. To life abroad with the man she thought would be there with her always, only to turn and see that he had chosen to be with others.
Standing in the home they had made together, the family they had been blessed with, but now alone with two precious children looking up at her with the question in their eyes, “what now, momma?” She had no clue, but she knew she had to wake each morning and face the day. To give her children memories of laughter and security and love. What a load she was determined she would carry. She has yet to understand why. She never felt it was meant for a woman to be the head of a household.
Then one day when she thought she was only waking to face another day. Out of the blue, he came. A man who truly loved her and accepted her love whole heartedly. Who loved her children and would not allow “step” being placed before them being called his
daughter or son. They were his very own.
She sits with him and the song “Blessed” comes on the radio, their eyes meet, and she knows she has finally found her way.
She sits with her husband, who is the total definition of what one is to be, and listens to her children in the background.
Then before the year is gone, God says he must come home to be with Me now, his job on earth is done. I blessed you and he with a love out of this world. He brought you strength to face the days ahead. He gave you everything you ever longed for. She felt that their love, although now taken from them by no choice of their own, would carry her from now on.
Five years have now passed. The love is still felt strong. The strength he gave her still helps her to face the days.
But, still today she has a heart that longs to love and be loved.