What Do We Do?
He looks me in the eyes and I know there is so much love there that it hurts both of us. Why does this 'love' have such a hold on both of us.
He wants to be with his children, and, yes, even his wife, but he is drawn to me, just as I am drawn to him. Both of us try to resist it, but it is too strong. And, I am not talking about sex. Just the need to see one another, hear the other oneís voice, just a swift touch of the hand across the other oneís hand, just a moment for our eyes to meet, our hearts to feel. It is strong, too strong. Why? Why did this love fill our souls and why will it not allow us to go on with our lives the way we tell ourselves we must? Why is it so wrong for us to have this 'love' for one another and why does it bring others pain?
Neither one of us are the type of people that wants anyone to hurt, but yet unintentionally and even with us trying with all we have, this love continues to cause pain to others. But, to us, it is overwhelmingly comforting. We spent the night out together for the first time in a long time the other night and both of us were trying to hold back the feelings and have things under control, but the feelings had control of us. Once our eyes truly met, it felt as if our hearts were ripping out. (Purple Rain). I could feel his heart and I could feel him feeling mine.
Why do we have this strong of a connection? Why canít we disconnect? Are we supposed to disconnect? I love him and I know he truly knows what love is now. He loves me. It is like our hearts came out, connected and pieces of each entered back into the other. I know as I am typing this, he is thinking of me, I can feel it. But, he is with her and she hurts and it is a gut wrenching hurt.
Him being with her is not enough because she feels it too, she knows our hearts have connected and are pieced within each of us. But, what are the answers? I donít have them. Everyone tells me, walk away, close that door completely, let him go, let them be happy. We have tried. We are trying. Others say you need to go out. When you start seeing someone, you will move on and get over him. No, I spend the evening feeling guilty, wishing it was his arms around me or him kissing me good night.
So, am I just going to spread the pain even further by being with someone else when pieces of my heart are in him and pieces of his are in me. I canít hide it. I canít camouflage it. Neither can he. What do we do?