knew it couldn’t be happening, but I kept going like a madwoman. It was 2 past midnight, my fifth cup ofcoffee, and the hottest man alive was passed out on my couch. I could never bea hundred percent sure how I got there, but I seem to remember something likethis:I wish I could say it started out like every other day, and there’s no wayI could guess that strange things are going to happen, but things were goingcrooked for some time, and I’ve been ignoring it. Some morning you just need tostay in bed. But then again, you never know what’ll happen. Hey, there goes my job! Wes, the kitchen manager, fired me for ruiningthree perfectly expensive and fancy dishes, cremated while I was thinking how topay my stupid credit card bills without moving into the sidewalk next to theapartment I’m about to get kicked out of. I had a feeling it’s not going tohelp.
When faced with an unexpected forced vacation of this type there is only onething the working man and woman of this world can do – hit the nearest bar and comeup with a plan over a couple of drinks. It was my fourth when my eyes popped out: Wes-hole, the nasty idiot whofired me just a couple of hours ago, is sitting with non other than our boss’sarch-rival. I don’t know why, and I don’t care, but suddenly I know somethingWes is trying to hide. BAM! Revenge- The only excuse for inventing a cell phonewith a camera. I’ve contemplated my options while taking beautiful close-ups of Wes theass and his drinking pal. In fact I got so preoccupied with my art that I waskind of surprised to discover that in one of the shots my muse was looking rightback at me, with the look he saves for waitresses gone bad. All cooks hatewaitresses, it’s a fact of life, but this guy drank their tears. Yup, that lookcame straight out of his evil core.
An escape is definitely in order. I knew Wes would do anything to get my cellphone, and I wasn’t going to eat it twice in one day. Back door for the win! Mysoles were burning as I ran to the restaurant only to slam into the only reasonfor women to be straight. Enter Brad. That’s not really his name actually, more of a general titlefor this exquisite breed of men named after their movie star prototype. I thinkhis real name is David. Adonis was an aspiring actor working as a waiter. IfWes hated anything more than waitresses it must be pretty waiters. Brad got theboot last week but came to pick up his check only today after making sure Wes –who was coming right at me spitting fire like a barbecue grill– isn’t going tobe around. Poor poor bastard.Brad was like a mythological creature. He had the looks of Apollo, but theeyes of a gorgon – he could make you freeze while turning your knees into jelly.While Wes was closing down on me I was mumbling my “Hey David” trying not todrool too much over his sleeveless shirt. My mother always said that men wouldstand in my way to success. Wes came behind me and snatched the cell right outof my hand. I got slapped back to reality (while mentally filing the image of Brad’sbicep on a hot day for later use) and went after the son of a bitch. Looks liketen years of working in the kitchen and feeding on the sorrow of yoursubordinates can make a men kind of slow. I caught up with him and jumped himlike a rodeo cowgirl. I straddled him and had him pinned down just in time to suckin my gut and look hot when I’ve noticed Brad getting there.
Wes was squirming his way up, and about to run away with my ticket out of thismess. By and by he smacked me so hard all my vodka martinis were re-stirring inmy belly, and my head went spinning out of the solar system. I couldn’t believeit – is this shit really happening?! Tough-love pep talk time: “Listen you idiot, you are not passing out onwhat turns out to be the craziest day in your life. You’re gonna get up on yourfeet, and give that bastard a taste of his own crap! Get up now!” He got away,naturally. I wanted to kill myself for being so slow. When I filled Brad in and toldhim how I was going to show the pictures to our boss and get Wes fired hestarted laughing. And yeah, he has toothpaste-commercial teeth. His was a muchmuch better idea. We called up my phone, and in his most assertive tone (I was too pissed offand I’m terrible liar), told Wes we already sent the pictures to my email, andwe can forward them whenever to whoever we want. So unless he meets us near thebar in ten minutes with the phone and a nice sum of money, he’ll be the newstar of the video sharing web. I have a new found respect for Brad. For David,I mean.The drop off went on a little different than we expected, and things gotheated up. Now David’s all pumped up and stuff, but gym and Pilates aren’tnothing compared with chopping huge chunks of meat all day. I had to do it.It’s a sad sight – a grown man get dropped to floor, turning red and blue, butI had to knee it. I really didn’t enjoy it. Wes’s eyes first widened in a mix of surprise and disbelief, but within secondsthey were squinched in the quiet squint of true agony. ”Grab the phone, David!”I yelled, and he did just as I told him. I like that in a handsome athleticman. We settled on a fat sum that would keep me happy and bills free for acouple of months and keep Wes in the hell he calls his kitchen. Even David gota nice share. My juices were flowing and I was drunk with power. And with the turnedon look of awe David gave me. Plus I did have my share of cocktails just anhour ago..Feeling insanely lucky David and I went back to the bar, and then to myplace. But before I could give into exploring our new friendship, my curiosityhad to be satisfied. My mind was fuzzy but I still kept thinking – What if thisis really the luckiest day of my life? I have to test it out. Only one placecould answer my questions. I turned on my computer and googled every casinogame I know. 2 past midnight,just me, the craps table in Money-Casino.com and a whole bunch of money. Cashfirst, pleasures later. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve this. I still feel sorry for Wes,but my conscience is eased up with one look at my couch. David was looking sosweet, relaxed, and sexy lying there. I never thought he would come throughlike that, but he totally saved my ass, and was going to pay him back and withmuch pleasure. His scheme was so clever, and I love a bit of a demon in a man.I knew I met my match.
Lucky days should be milked for whatthey’ve got, “come on baby” I whispered to the dice, “David needs a new sugarmama”.