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      I`m still loving him

     



My boyfriend came into my life when I was sad and lonely. I just separated from my husband but I wasn't looking for any relationships at that time. We agreed that he can be my big brother, gives me advice when needed and cheers me up when I am down. Although I wasn't attracted to him at first but his kindness and caring for me turned into a love relationship.


We live far apart but I always felt like he was with me all the time. One day he lost his job, I felt so bad for him but nothing I can do. I trusted his ability to take care of what ever he needs to get back on his feet. It has been a year and he's still out of work. He turned to alcohol and friends who don't seem to encourage him to do better but dragging him down. I felt for him but didn't say anything. He got further down to the bottom. No matter what I do, nothing seems to change his way of living.


One day he wanted to break up with me and told me that he will never be able to make me happy. I don't ask for much, all I want him to do is to focus on what he needs to get back on track. We started to argue about every little thing. We promised not to do it again but somehow the conversation always ended up that one of us was upset. He wanted to separate temporarily and we both agreed not to date anyone else. I don't want anyone else. All I want is him. He wouldn't give my clothes back and told me all of the pictures we took together are still on his desk. The teddy bear I gave him.. nothing's change. I pleaded with him not to leave but he insisted that it's not working out. He doesn't want to break up forever, but wouldn't want to see me either. I'm very confused and hurt. I feel rejected and sometimes wonder maybe I should move on. He's intelligent and it's a shame to throw it all away.


I love him so much and I am very attracted to his good side. My friends suggested that I should go out with other people but my heart wouldn't allow me. I look around my place everything reminds me of him. I couldn't sleep on my bed for days. His cologne on my pillow enough to make me cry.


All the plans we had for the summer when I'm out of school are gone. I spent so many weekends alone thinking how much fun we would have if we're still together. The day he called to tell me that he's not coming broke my heart. I was ready and prepared for his coming and imagine picking him up and seeing his big smile. I drove on that road and tears came down on my face. I couldn't stop crying.


I miss him so much. I can't imagine my life without him.

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