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      My heart lives: I know because it`s broken


I am a forty two year old woman. I view myself as beautiful, intelligent and a confident woman. I prefer to stay in control (of as much as possible). I go out with friends and drink (a little) and dance (as much as I possible). I have been divorced for 13 years and have three wonderful and most importantly grown children. I have had my share of boyfriends and to tell the truth, only one had a place in my heart.....until.........

Two Saturdays ago, I attended a birthday party with a friend and that is where I met him....

I live in a suburb of San Antonio, Texas---that would account for my dress attire which consisted of jeans, short top, boots and last but not black cowboy hat. As I watched the crowd dance and drink...from the corner of my eye I saw someone looking at me or should I hat. He finally worked up the courage to tell me he liked my hat. We began to talk and we danced a little bit. As we conversed and danced, I could see that he was definitely younger than I. Time flew and we had a great time dancing and talking. By the time I realized---it was late and it was time to depart. I told him I was leaving...he insisted on obtaining my phone number and I hesitantly gave it to him---thinking he wouldn't call anyway. He was fun to talk to... I arrived at my home at approximately 2:00 am, he called me 5 minutes after I arrived--we conversed for over 2 hours. We continued our phone relationship every night for at least 3 to 4 hours an evening. I began to anticipate his calls -- we got along wonderfully. He was articulate, intelligent, witty and he had the most wonderful voice and most importantly...he made me laugh.

We decided to meet six days after our first meeting. I had a strong apprehension about meeting him--the age difference between us was 10 years! We met, I was a bundle of nerves...We went to eat, played mini golf then took a romantic stroll to "Hemisfare Plaza." We ended up spending the night together---

The next day--we were both nervous; but I felt I knew him already.... I told him to tell me what he was feeling. It boiled down to age, he claimed that he had feelings for me, but the age factor bothered him too. I told him not to call me anymore, because I cannot play games with him, my heart simply cannot take it. We both agreed it would be best to part. We both hugged, cried and told each other that the past week has been the best ever...

For the past few days, I cannot help but cry---how can I love someone I just met? It seems impossible to me, I am smart enough to realize that I was used... However, what I do know is that he gave me something I needed. I love him and will miss him.

For a long time, I believed that my heart was "dead." No matter how sweet, handsome and kind my male friends have been--I simply have not had any real feelings for them. I know now that my heart is not dead, because it is broken. With tears in my eyes, I bid you goodbye Kevin..


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