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      endless love


I'm 15 this year, studying in a girls school. and i'm in love now.

my love relationship started last year on mid february. it was a relationship, full of obstacles. we often argue, and sometimes, we will breakup with each other, however we patch back together very soon, as we realised that, we couldn't live without each other.

he was a guy, working in my school. and about 9 years older than me. i never really cared about him, however i knew his presence in my school. he was the idol in my school, where ever he went there will be girls screaming his name out. but i didn't cared about him. i didn't bother about knowing him or anything.

but one day, my friend told me, she accidentally got his email address, and i was curious, so i added him on msn, but i never dared to start a conversation with him. so this lasted for a few weeks. everytime, i'll see him online, but i'll ignore it.

then one day, on mid february, a saturday, he started chatting with me. and we were chatting very happily, and somehow, i felt that i've butterflies in my stomach, everytime he talks to me.

i never ask him for his phone number or whatever, i told myself he's just my friend, and there won't be anything happening to us. i won't have a crush on him.

however, from that day on, i'll go online at a time, where i know that he'll go online too. and he'll say something like, "you waiting for me ah?" and of course, i'll tell a lie and said, "no lorh" . but, actually i was.

and we began chatting and chatting like nobody's business.

as the days passed, i began to get even more crazy over him. i'll be so happy when he walked outside my class, as my class was moved just beside his room.

soon, my whole classed knew that i liked him, and they will all cheer when he walked passed my classroom, i felt super happy whenever i see him.

going to school, became a joy, as he was my motivator to go to school.

i'll go and visit him, with all kinds of lame excuses.

and, we'll pretend we didn't know each other, but sometimes, we will be smiling by ourselves.

soon, we began to call each other dears, but we were only playing.

well, who knows, we began to get serious with each other, and we went into a relationship.

i trust him alot, and never thought that he'll cheat on me or whatever, however, when some of my friends told me to be careful.

i knew what i was doing, and i'll protect myself.

but, one day, on our 7th month anniversary, i prepared a gift and a card for him. i wanted to give him after my remedial.

i've also realised that, recently, my best friend have been talking to another girl. and i suspected that, they were talking about me, because their behaviour was suspicious.

so, when there wasn't any teacher in the classroom, my friends told me that he was going out with another girl, i couldn't believe my ears and i just broke down in tears.

but nevertheless, i still love him.

i didn't know why, but i still continue to be with him, knewing that another girl was also going out with him. he told me that, he only love me, and i believed him. however, my trust for him, wasn't 100% as before..

soon, after a few weeks, he told me that girl broke up with him, because she couldn't felt any love from him. and i was quite happy , because he was all mine again.

he also told me, that he have thoughts that he wanted to leave my school. at first , i didn't want him to leave, because i wanted to see him everyday, but i soon realised that, this is better for the both of us.

but who knows there was one horrible news that he's life is in danger, and he told me to delete all our messages and photos and everything.

i didn't know what to do, but i did as i was told. i didn't know what had happened, but i was shivering, and tears were flowing down my cheeks uncontrollably. i don't want anything to happen to him. i keep praying to God, that nothing must happened to him.

the next day, a counsellor came to look for me. i was afraid, because i'm scared that i'll cause my love, to be in danger.

we didn't mean to lie to anybody. i knew what i was doing, and i knew that our love for each other is true. i could see a change in him, from the past to the present, that he has really changed alot for me, after he left my school.

he never have any intimate contacts with other girls anymore, and it's really true.

so God blessed us, and we continued to go out together.

everything always turn out fine and pleasent for us.

i've tried to tell my parents about us, however, they didn't listened to me. and forced us to break up. i didn't have a choice, so i continued to lie to them, although i felt guilty but i told myself, i'll treat my parents well, and do well in my studies to prove to them. and probably, i'll reveal our relationship, when i'm older.

well, throughout the months, i went for more than one counselling sessions, but they were all crap, because they were all just forcing us to breakup.

i had a wonderful time with my baby, and another girl came along.

she was his godsister, and among all the godsisters he had , somehow i liked her the best, because she looked very decent, and i always told her my problems about me and him, and i loved her so much.

i also have this habit that i'll tell my best friends everything that happened between me and him.. for example, where we went on a particular day and the happy and unhappy stuff.

so, since most of the time, the 3 of us always went out together, i told my friends about her. and all of them told me that she likes him, and told me to be careful. i didn't believe them, but soon, i myself also realised that she liks him, and i began to dislike her.

we didn't have a romantic valentines day, because there was a third party. and i was quite unhappy about it, because there was only one valentines day in a year.

after that, many things happened, and i hated her more than anything.

she knew that me and him are one item, why does she still likes him?

i've also learnt that, she have been trying to meet him alone, secretly behind my back, but he rejected her, and i'm quite relieved

but of course, i do also have a feeling that, i might have wronged her.

and i apologised to her, for being cold to her and everything.

however, a few days later, i heard from her classmates that they knew that she like him, and i grew to dislike her again. sighs.

but these doesn't matter. because i learnt that i've got to trust him, because i love him. if things really didn't work out the way i wanted, i'll just have to depend on our fate, and have to move on.

i just want him to be happy.

i remembered that one time, i hurt his feelings, and my heart was as ache as his. although he told me that he was alright, i knew that he was still hurt.

i didn't know what to do, so i wrote 1000 apologies to him, hoping that he'll feel better.

our love relationship has ups and downs, but we knew deep in our hearts, we love each other deeply. we care for each other. although there were arguments between us, we soon tend to forget about them very fast.

my love for him, will last forever. my only hope now,is that he'll accept christ soon, because i want him to receive the gift of God, because i love him alot, my most worry is him.

if one day, one of us would have to die, i rather myself to die first. i love him. muacks


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