Heartache in Slow Motion
For years, Sarah and I maintained a friendship, despite many obstacles. Our first encounter came about my first year in college. We both moved into the same apartment unit, both fairly new to town with little knowledge of the area. After a few weeks, we began hanging out at each others' places, initially in groups, then by ourselves. Each day we spent together would consist of long discussions about our ex's, bad b movies or any thing else we both found interesting, which was a lot.
A moment passed, about three months after we met which, sticks out in my memory as "the moment". With the encouragement of several beers, we found ourselves lip-locked and tangle-bodied. After that encounter, we realized that we needed to stay friends in order to respect each other's space (living so close can be suffocating).
Within a month, she was dating a new guy (which destroyed me, but kept to myself to keep the peace). Eventually, their relationship became serious, but something was not right. She kept a casual friendship with me, but that did not last long. After a particularly loud fight with her boyfriend, she stormed out of her apartment and ran into mine. She talked about all the irritating things her boyfriend did and then reached over to kiss me. The next day came with much awkward interaction between me and Sarah. She felt guilty and TOLD HER BOYFRIEND.
I was not worried so much about him, but the inevitable decision she would have to make between him and me. The decision was made. She would stay with him, but see me in secret. This happened for years.
One night, her boyfriend walked in on us to much of our surprise, but not his. He prepared for this moment and gave her the ultimatum to either leave him or move from the complex. She chose to move and I broke down; sank to the floor much like water seeps between cracks in the mud.
A year went by with no word from her. I knew she moved home with her father, so i sent her letters and gifts. One day, while I sat at the creek with my dog Rosie, she called out of the blue. Her and Charles broke up and our future suddenly seemed plausible. For once I felt we could go the distance with our feelings and we tried.
That attempt took exactly one year to realize as a failure. With all the hard feelings from being second chair to the girl I loved only left resentment for her actions. I know she sincerely did not mean to hurt me so many times, but nonetheless, it happened.
I sit here, writing this while she's currently packing to move onward to a better job, in a better city. I sit here recollecting these events because its therapeutic. It lets me see that such a painful situation came come at the fault of nobody. Just remember that your hurt is as valid as you let it be.