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      I finally found him, but now im dying!!!


I know you want to think that you will live happily ever after with your one true love but sometimes it turns for the worst. I have a form of skin cancer called Melanoma, and i didn't know that it could make me this sick...


It all started when I was 13 years old, i always thought about finding my one and only true love, but i never thought it would be that summer. I am a very religious girl, but that summer, I went to my first church camp, And that's when i met him, it was June 28th, 2001. He was so handsome for a fourteen year old. Every since that day we never leave each others sight.


I knew after that summer that we were supposed to be together. I found out after we began to talk that his uncle(who he visits all the time), lives right next door to my dad, it was so weird. Also, something happened at my church between my family, and the piano player, so we decided to leave. And not even knowing what church James went to, we went to Logan, and guess what... that was his church.


On our 4 yr anniversary around my 17th birthday, James surprised me with an engagement ring, and of course i said YES!!! We ended up getting married on a beautiful summer day; June 28th 2006 (exactly 5 yrs after we met at church camp). About 1 month after the wedding i found out that my skin cancer had spread more, and it had already hit my blood stream, they said that i had cancer of the lymph nodes. That was all that James wanted to hear. The doctor has only given me 11 to 12  months more to live. And the bad thing it i just found out i was pregnant...for twins.


I don't know what to do, i cant leave him, or my babies they said that if my cancer gets any worse that they might have to take the babies early, the thing is i think it will actually kill me to have the babies. I cant leave James, he was the only thing i had when my family was abusive, i would run to him. I would cry on his shoulder when he probably had better things to do then tell me, that everything was going to be fine. And let me tell you it was more than once. I love him so much, you never think you are going to be the one dying, and leaving him, but it is happening to me.


I cry so much and he cries more than me, we always said we wanted to die together, so we wouldn't have to bare the pain alone. I know that God can heal me, but what if he cant or wont maybe he is trying to show something to James that i wont be able to show him. He went to college during high school to get his associates in Pastorial studies to be a preacher. He believes that i can be healed and i really hope so, i cant leave this world leaving him alone. He is my only true love, i have been getting very weak lately. I don't know what is the matter, it was just like yesterday that i was better. I know that i am not going to give up. And let me tell you this, if you are a young girl and want to get married when you are 18 don't let anyone tell you you wont make it. If i didn't marry James, who knows he might not of been able spend what is left of my life with me. So follow your heart, not what someone tells you...True love is found in ones heart, not on the outside. believe me i know!!!


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