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      Needing him

     


OK first 12-19-03 we started dating VERY young and at first i never actually dreamed of being in love. i just figured i was too young but it happened. we dated first 2 months it really meant nothing just like oh yeah i have a bf but it changed instantly we talked more seen more and things just felt so different and me be so young i didn't know what i was feeling  i began to go crazy like 24/7 he was on ma mind as soon as i heard his voice i would smile just COMPLETELY in love with him. me and him we started going through everything together i mean all types of ups and downs. We dated for 1 whole year it felt great to know i was apart of something REAL  i was and I'm am still am virgin and it really wasn't a issue this boy he was totally respectful of my choices so patient he really deserved it but something in me wouldn't let go sometimes he would show his frustration but i never mind cause i understood but it didn't know why i just couldn't do it and i mean i didn't want to lose him just because i will not please my own man. don't get me wrong i trusted him 100% and he had and has my heart. his friends would say aw man you been with that girl for a year and some months and she's still  not putting out. i know that had get to him because no boy or man likes to look stupid in front of his friends. about six more months i felt things changing i felt like i was the only one still in love i loved this boy more each day and one day he just stopped calling me i sensed he needed a little space but he never called me back i began to wonder what did i do or say why he don't love me anymore i didn't understand within the next 3 weeks we split i made the decision because i was 2 afraid of being hurt as badly as i never wanted to i felt i had to. months went by without him i grew into a deep depression i missed him so much i felt sick literately i missed the way he looked at me and how he made me feel so special it felt like i had lost everything i cried EVERY day and i prayed every night that he would come back to me. Every time we would see each other we never spoke ONE word that's what hurted me the most.  about 8-9 months past of hell. somehow we started talking again the moment he looked in my eyes i knew we still had something. we talked a little bit then we jumped back into a relationship until only 2 months past he did it again he just stop calling me but this time he called it off i understand that he is a boy who has been through alot but all i wanted him to do is trust me to help him and stand by him. but i am a person who has hard times showing feelings which is my 1 issue. so i went through another 9 months of hell without him.. and what do you  know its 07 he's is back again and its like a replay i still feel the same for him we are not dating i feel like i need him but this time i wanna make sure i keep him in my arms and NEVER let go what do you guys think??? I'm thinking of starting off strong with pt 3 of out relationship with some passionate sex just to let him know he's not going anywhere this time

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