What if I had said yes? What if I had realised what you would mean to me in just a few months time? What if I hadn't loved him? What if I had loved you at the right time? What if I had never met you? Would I still be doing everything in my power to win over a boy who didn't deserve me? What if...?
Too many questions in my head that I simply cannot answer. I ask myself if perhaps we just weren't meant to be. I didn't love you when you loved me, and when I loved you, you loved another.
Why did I not realise? Why did I not realise that you were my other half? The only boy that I would ever be happy with? Too young? Too naive? Again, there are too many questions. And it is killing me not being able to find the answers.
How can you say we wouldn't of worked? I would of done anything possible to make it. I thought you would have done the same. You would have at one stage...
Do you miss me? Have I ever crossed you mind? Did you ever cry for me? Did you ever wish I hadn't left? Do you ever wish you had never let go, and that you had kept holding on for me?
You beat perfection. You are my world and more. I want to be a part of your life again. But do you want me? The way I hurt you was unforgiveable, thoughtless. But we got past it... But I suppose you never got over it.
You're running from me. You know what we could be, and it scares you. You're worried I'll do it again, but I would rather die than do that to you. I was young, and in love with someone else, I never set out to hurt you.
I don't know why I'm writing this...
Maybe writing it down somehow helps?
There's still so much I don't know.
Who are you now?
Have you changed at all?
Found someone new...?
But the things I do know;
The day I lost you was the worst mistake of my life, and I will live forever regretting it.
I know we could of worked, thats what makes this hurt so much.
I would do anything in the world to change how things are now.
The time I knew you was short.... But those were the best months of my life.
I want to be a part of your life again. We were so close, best friends, soul mates... I hope we can be again.
I have never loved anyone as much as I love you, and I never will. Not for the moment anyway. It will be the hardest thing I have ever had to do, getting over you. You mean more than the world to me, I just wish, so much, that I had realised when I had the chance.
Forever in my heart and always in my thoughts