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      "I Watched His Life"

     


My name is Tammy.  I met Chris when I was about 16 years old.  I didn't like him, at first.  I thought that he was a brash, young brat.  While in school one day, an acquaintance of mine (Donna) asked me to play a prank on her soon-to-be ex-boyfriend.  It was Chris.  I was all for it.  Our plan was that I was going to call his house to talk to him.  I was going to state that I was a "friend-of-a-friend" and wanted to meet him.  Further, I was going to drive out to his house in the country to get him, but have Donna in the back seat to pop up and break-up with him due to him agreeing to see someone else.  Well, that night I did call him.  I discovered that he and I had a lot in common, so I proceded to pursue a relationship with him. It started as a highschool crush.  We dated off and on for over a year.  I was getting ready to leave for college at the end of the summer.  I was still a virgin and wanted for Chris to be my "first love".  He was.  I left for college, and continued to be intimate with him when I was home on weekends.  I loved him.  When I came home for the Christmas break, I discovered I was pregnant.  I told Chris.  We decided to get married.  I was 18 and he was 19.  Our families were upset with this situation, but made the best of it.  After all, I was already pregnant.  We were to be married in mid-January. We were going to be Chris and Tammy Stearman.  My parents rented us an apartment for us to move into once we were married.  We planned for the wedding.  He had his tuxedo and I had my wedding dress.  We had the invitations out and the cake was ordered.  We went to marriage counseling, where I promised to love him forever. Two days before our wedding, Chris called it all off.  He said that he couldn't do it.  I was devestated.  I continued to live with my parents.  He continued his life, too.  On Valentines Day of 1984, I had a miscarriage.  Rumors got to Chris about it.  I saw him one night at a local arcade.  He tried to hold my hand.  I hated him at that time.  That was the last time I saw him, back then.  Over the years, I wondered about him.  I used the internet to find out information about him.  I watched his life.  I found out what I could from mutual friends, but over the years, I lost contact with all of our friends.  As my life went by, I married and divorced.  I had two wonderful children.  I kept watching Chris' "life" by looking at public records, as well as remembering his interests.  I wasn't obsessed by it, but did look occasionally.  About two months ago, I noticed that he had a Court filing that led me to believe that he and his third wife had split up.  I had found his phone number previously, online.  I decided to call.  Through a series of events, I spoke with him over the phone within a few days of the initial call.  We spoke a few times and decided to see each other.  I met up with him in Oklahoma City.  We talked about memories, as well as questions that we still had about what happened "back then".  He asked me how I found him.  I told him, "I watched your whole life".  I explained how I followed what he was doing by watching the internet and searching his name.  He smiled.  I dont' know where we are going from here, but I am so glad that we are talking again.  He is part of who I am.  I watched his life.  And, by the way, I promised to love him forever...and I still do. 

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