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      If only fate would make up its mind..


I had just moved to another country for the summer, well i had been hoping it was just for the summer. When i found out I'd be here for the rest of the year and God knows how much longer, i went into a very deep depression. i prayed for my life to be taken, when a few long distant family members died... i had selfishly asked 'why not me?'

Well school began, my 9th grade year. And no, it didn't better. It only took a week for rumors to buzz about me, i had made friends with the wrong group... I was too different. Too careless. I was into rock, they were into rap and hip hop. I was into black and funky colors, they were into trends. I was myself, and they hated that.


Slowly i began to hate myself even more.. until i met him.

He cracked jokes all the time in class, and i guess that's what brought me to notice him. He made me laugh, then i noticed his style, is walk, his smile, his taste in music was just a tad heavier than mine.. but he accepted me for who i am.


We started talking and hanging out all the time, then finally he asked me to be his girl friend. From then on.. wow.. it was just like a big dark ugly cloud had finally decided to leave me alone. I fell in love with him around Christmas time, and that was the time we both said it.


From then on we were inseparable, we couldn't get enough of each other, even when we drove each other CRAZY. We were the talk of the school, and this time.. not in a bad way. I was so happy, and so grateful. We were together for the rest of the year.. he was leaving for NY for next year and God knows how long. We planned he would come back for 12th grade and we would graduate together then i would come live with him in NY..

Time has changed.. I have changed.. I've come to learn responsaility, and i cannot leave my parents by themselves.


He will be coming back for this summer, but he will not live here with me. so i need to make a choice. There is someone here who would give away his world for me, hes the sweetest, most caring, most honest, most respectable i have ever met but i still have very deep feelings for my ex. i still feel like he will come back and if he does and i'm with this guy... i'm scared i will forever regret it.


I know i cant wait forever..but this guy who says he loves me already with all his heart, i dont know if i can return that love. and i think that is worse than turning him away..


My 2nd year of highschool is almost over and my ex will be here for the summer, but the other guy wants an answer... i just dont know what to do. can i learn to love him?


Fate gifted me with my ex and now dangles him in front of my face, while it dangles me infront of that guys face..


Make up your mind!!


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