My Dixieland delight
Towards the end of November, the 27th. I was at work on the night shift browsing through the many people on myspace.
For those of you that do not know when someone is on line they have a little light under their picture.
So as I was clicking from page to page I looked up at the screen and the only light that was on was kristina's, a girl from Tennessee.
I sent a message saying that I was new to myspace and maybe we could chat sometime.
So we started sending messages to eachother spending all day and every day chatting on the net. I'd get into work early just so that I could read my in box or check to see if any comments were left by her, and also to see if Kristina was on line.
Talking with Kristina was easy and I felt as if we had known eachother for much longer than we had. I could tell her anything, and I did.
After about a week had past we exchanged telephone numbers and addresses.
I remember the first time that I called her, she pretended to be her mother because she thought I was a telphone salesman, hahaha at least that is what she said. I tend to think that my calling her threw her alittle.
Anyhow, eventually we finally did get to speak. Every day in fact, for hours at a time even after speaking all day on line too.
Kristina just blew me away and I began to fall for her in a big way.
We not only talked on the telephone, there were also the letters, cards, pictures and the gifts that we sent to eachother.
I felt so comfortable talking with her she made my head swoone and my heart race. The more that we talked the more and more I wanted to know about her.
We both have children, four girls. Three of them are hers and the other is mine. We have also spoken on the telephone many times and were bonding well.
At Christmas, my daughter and I went to stay with her Grandmother in North Wales. We were there for four days over the holiday period.
Kristina and I spoke only the once during that time on Christmas Day, and boy was I missing her.
My days are filled with thoughts of her as are my nights too.
On our return we continued to speak every day on the telephone and our feelings for eachother grew with each day that past by.
I wanted so much to tell Kristina that I'd fallen in love with her but, I did'nt want to tell her over the phone. I wanted to say those word "to her".
Anyhow, Kris could'nt keep her feelings inside any longer and told me over the net that she loved me. I laugh when I think back because if Kris had not told me then how she felt I do not not know how much longer I would have been able to keep my feelings inside.
As the days past our love for eachother grew stronger and I new deep inside that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this girl. She was and is "the one".
Now, you may find this all so hard to understand but, when you know, well you just know. Its like we have loved before, soulmates even. We maynot get it right this time but, there will be other times that we will get it right.
We had talked of me and my daughter going over for the summer I was even so sure of us at that stage that I went ahead and bought the tickets.
Friday 2nd Feb, I did something that I am not proud of, in fact I am ashamed.
I let my own paranoia take a hold of me and I began to look for something that was not even there. Maybe I was scared of being hurt, maybe I was scared of being loved. I just do not know, I freaked out!
I was stupid and irrational and my behaviour has ruined something that was great. I was a fool.
So the point I am trying to make is this, if you find love or if love finds you. Do not question it, do not forsake it, just enjoy it. Follow your heart because who knows where it will lead.
If you do not then you will be left with only memories and what if's.
Which is all that I am left with but, that is my own stupid fault isn't..?