I've loved him for almost 3 years
Well let me give you a background on this whole big story. Ok well back in middle school i met this kid and well i dont wanna say his real name so well call him Charlie. Well ive liked charlie from the first day i met him back in 7th grade were in 9th grade now. We were never in the same class but we were really close and we always kinda had a thing. Charlie was a player, i cant lie. Hes always played girls left and right but they couldnt get enough of him. In 8th grade he started to date this GORGEOUS girl but i dont wanna use her real name so we're gonna call her barbra.
In the summer before highschool me and him got really close i mean he called me EVERYDAY, but he was still going out with this girl. Ive never seen him actually like a girl for a long time so it was good for him. Even when they were going out me and charlie hung out every now and then. One time at my friends birthday party charlie broke up with barbra that day because he told me he wanted to hook up that night, which we did but what i didnt know was that my other friend wanted to hook up with him that night as well. Well whatever i hooked up with him and then he didnt talk to me the rest of the night. But one day at a football game i went to with my friends in the morning charlie called me and decided to take the train there. So me him and my friend walked to dounkin donuts it was FREEZING outt and i told him to bring an extra jacket for me. which he forgot so he gave me his jacket. Now me and my friends and charlie were up against the fence and the blechers were behind me. 2 of barbras friends were sitting behind me and i didnt really know them but it was like the first week of highschool and all i knew was that they were in me school (by the way me and barbra go to the same highschool now, my bad if i forgot to say that) After the game we were sitting in front of the school me charlie and this other kid but well call him sam, charlie put his arm around me and was like rubbing me to keep me warm and like i knwo why i cant get over this kid and i didnt know barbra at the time so shitt i didnt care =) so then him and sam came back to my house and welll sam went upstairs to hangout with my brother i was alone with charlie and well lets just say some things happened. The next day barbras two friends told barbra that me and charlie hooked up.. WHICH WE DIDNT! so that pissed me off BIG time. i hate one of those girls still to this day cuz shes sucha bitch who doesnt have enough drama in her own life so she wants to give me some. Well im over it now so its whatever. Well me and Barbra got really really close im actually talking to her right now on aim. But she has absolutely NO idea that im absolutely in love with her boyfriend. I don’t tell her because how I feel about him shouldn’t change anything and I love her and its unnessary that’s all. Charlie gets really jealous when I say I like other guys because hes always kinda knew that I liked him and if he isn’t positive he has me on the side he gets jealous. Its stupid I know. I hook up with other guys if hes there just to get him jealous I know that’s mean but once a guy KNOWS he has you hell think your always there on the side and I cant settle for that. My best friend tells me I should stop talking to him and she gets mad when I talk about him but I cant help the way I feel at him. I hate the fact he knows he has me and I tell him everything so I tell him all about guys I could like or that ive hooked up with. But like ive learned if he hangs up on me he expects me to cl lhim right back but I don’t and like an hour later hell call me like nothing happened. I play hard to get with him all the time but he knows I love him.well very recently Charlie and I and my cousin went to breakfast (Charlie hasn’t came over since after the football game)and after breakfast he was like am I coming back to your hosue and I was like uhm noo and he goes kk ill tell my mom im coming to your house … so he came back to my house and we were in the basement. We were watching mean girls and we were in 2 chairs which are right next to eachother and he grabbed my hand. And at first I pulled away and like I hit him but I was laughing but he seemed dead serious… so he did it again and well my heart dropped I couldn’t let go of his hand and I KNEW it was wrong I love his girlfriend shes my friend and I feel so guilty but I just cant help myself. And to top this all off Charlie asked me actually the other day if I ever LOVED anyone. And I was like yea I DID and he goes oh who and I was like nah no one you know. And he goes tell me or im hanging up and never talking to to you so I was like okk bye and he goes I hate you. And I was like “I love you” and he hung up. He called back 5 minutes later and was like that I love you sounded pretty serious. And I was like it was I love you and he goes how do you love me and I was like like a friend and he goes that’s not how I want you to love me. My heart DROPPED I know he doesn’t mean it hes just confused I know he loves Barbra they been together for uhmm a year and 2 months or something like that. He likes me I know he does but Im always second to Barbra and it just sucks. Well that’s my dilemma what do you think about it?