My ex-girlfriend and I originally met during a time of despair in my life. I had been rejected my first time applying to medical school, and was (and still am) completing a masters degree in Phisiology while applying to medical school, and needed to either not date at all or be with someone extremely supportive and sweet. I thought that she was this girl originally, and she did seem like it for a while. Things went wonderful for about a month, then she started picking argument's about how we did and didn't mesh well, etc. She broke up with me after the one month mark, and it hurt deeper than a previous 11 month relationship that ended after I was broken up with. I made her a cd for Christmas and she said that made her finally realize how much she missed me, and a lot of other stuff. Then to make a long story short, we came back after Christmas break and she was all over me and said how much she had missed me, which was surprising news to me...she had called me 3 times over break. When we got back I had three amazing days with her, then went skiing in Vermont for 5 days. I called her over my skiing break in Stowe and she said be careful, why cant you all stay on the bunny slopes, come back to me in one piece...etc. Like she really cared about me, and said she missed me, However, she said of course she had missed me since she was watching tv all by herself - which is a small example of many of the things she would say. Did she miss ME, or did she miss the companionship that reflected that someone cared about HER. Then when I got back she made me dinner and she was kissing me and acting like she was in love with me - this lasted for two nights. I didn't see her for 2 days since we were both busy, and I called her friday night and she didnt answer, so i bought her a rose and went over there. She said she had a rough day and was setting herself a time limit to call me before 5 pm - and that she still wanted to hang out with me. But then i started getting real nervous - --- explained that i thought she was getting cold and boxed in again - since that's what happened the first time we broke up, and that it seems like she can only miss me or want to be with me when I am at an extreme distance (plus, she only had one relationship before me, with a guy who went to a different college so they never actually saw each other). She continued in her predictable fasion by stating that we were disfunctional, and started picking arguments with me, and then saying i had no sense of humor...while kissing and hugging me at the same time. We went out to starbucks to get coffee, and she tells me to take her back home..in fact, while on the internet at starbucks she was looking for events online, and said ohhh - singles night, that guys attractive. i told her that I could'nt take it anymore, and dropped her off at home.
I explained that I needed to talk to her, and she responds "Quick, you have 5 minutes." I was like listen, why do you want to do this to us, I like love you, and its hurting me deeply because Iwant to be with you. And she was like omg your crazy, love me, you don't really - I'm not ready for that. And I was like, I can tell when you kiss me and look at me that you feel it alot too. And she gets out of the car to walk to her apt. I was like, im going to my dads to cry to him about it since you don't care, why do you keep trying to mess up my life? she slammed the car door. I left to drive to my Dad'sand she calls me leaving a voice message saying dont cry to your dad, you're fine, I just need space...i'll call you tommorow. But I was freaked since I had been thrown around this way and that like one would bob a yo-yo up and down. Then she calls me again a second later and we are talking, and shes like Aaron I dont want to be with you unless I am 100 percent sure - and I have my doubts, really i do. Then she says, our senses of humor - they just dont mesh well, cant we date other people then maybe get back together if we realize it was meant to be later. And I was like I want you to be my girl, I care for you, and I felt like I finally met the one - and i wanted for us to be able to fall in love and be together in the long run - a fling was the last thing I wanted with you. And she said that she was afraid it was just a fling as well. She hung up, and i drove right back over there, unlocked her door, and tossed her key at her saying, I cant hold onto this it's driving me crazy. then i went over and tried to hug her, and said were never having sex again (another part of the convo was that we had sex too fast and it messed things up between us). I tried hugging her, but she was like your not spending the night, and I told her it wasn't my intention. When I was about to leave she mentioned I will call you tommorow, cant you just have faith. But the next morning i went right back over there i was just hurting soooo much, and shes like aaron go away i dont want you coming in here, ill come out and talk to you. Then shes like, your crazy, i dont want to be with you or be your friend, aaron. "I dont want to see you again, don't come around here anymore. Im not going to call you" Then 5 minutes later, shes leaving me a voicemail saying im leaving your dvd's on my doornob, come pick them up so they arent late"
The irony is that she set this up through her ambivalence. It isnt possible to maintain a relationship based on distance when you are concomitantly spending time with the other person, especially if that individual is on and off, hot and cold, depending on the day and state of mood. This seems like it would have happened inevitably, since I treated her really well and actually did respect her space for a significant amount of time prior to returning from break, and the same issues came back unresolved almost immediately. I know that it's over - my question is, how did this happen, and why would she do this to us - I only needed her to be by my side and respectful that I needed to work hard while still being able to see me without freaking out or ruining the closeness that we had.