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      Not knowing...

     


Not knowing... that he, my high school classmate is the man who loved, loves me and will always love me..
 
I have been through many heartaches in life... too many to mention, but still I believe I can still have a partner that will love me and accept me whatever had happened to me in the past...
 
OUR story starts this way...

It was summer vacation, one of our high school classmate had her debut party and were invited... At that time, he was studying outside our home town, so that's the only time I will see him again after high school graduation...He used to be a skinny guy and quiet one, but I can't believe that he already have those muscles and totally build up body, which I am attracted most...It's drinking session of the party... we were all seated around a big table while having fun and teases...
 
I can't helped myself at that time, to sneak just a little moment to see his face and stare at him, hope he didn't caught me...then after a while, I was surprised because he asked my e-mail address and cellphone number...I don't know now if he liked me too or just a move of a man... The night goes on, my super crush, our classmate too, is just behind me, a little drunk, he started to roll his finger on my hair and started to tease me "can we go home together",  I just laughed and continue to enjoy the night...
 
My phone rings and its my dad, I need to go home because its already late... me and my best friend, my classmate too, went home together...
 
I didn't expect that after how many days he texted me even he is not in our province...He said to me that he liked to transfer school in our hometown...I was happy then, but with a little worry...
 
A week ago, I have taken an exam for my scholarship.  This is a great opportunity for me...
 
During our communication, usually every night, I am mentioning this to him, and he said that he feels sad, having a question, why do I have to go out of our province when he is going back...(showing some interest to me)
 
I have no choice, but to reply smileys and "that's okay" even though I have special feelings for this person. I don't want to turn back to my dreams in life just because of a newly sprout feeling of mine.
 
We came to a deal that we will see each other in front of the church the moment he comes back.  The day came, around 2nd week of June, 2005...We went to their farm and we had a lot of fun.  He even bought cake for us to enjoy.  But it seems the time is too short for both of us, we are not still having conversation about we feel for each other...
 
When we we are inside the car, I said to him "Don't mind what I have said to you last night, just don't mind me" wtih a simple smile... He didn't reply.  The night of that day, we are still expressing our feelings for each other which we should do the afternoon we met, funny we are both careful of our moves, too careful.
 
It is almost 12am and we are still on the phone..until we both formalized that we both love each other, that we have special feelings, that we can't helped but to express it.  But we are both worried for the relationship we have because after a week I need to leave our province.
 
The thing I am thankful is that he did his best to be with me and show his love before I leave.  OH, I love him.  I only knew him as a classmate, I leave our hometown without a strong foundation of our love, only hoping that this will work out.
 
He calls me every night.  I cried to him, I tell him my problems and conditions to him.  And I appreciate that he continues to listen.  After how many months , I visited him for only a short while.  We don't have enough time because he did have his class and I need to come back very soon.
 
We missed each other, we both hoped that we will have time to be together. 
 
It is New Year's vacation, I filed a short leave for 3 days and it was granted.  I was so happy, he introduced me to his parents and he even surprised me by fixing my bed at home and placing a big white bear with a bouquet of rose on it.
 
I knew that he was the one, he understands me and helped me overcome my fears in loving.  He accepted me on whatever I confessed to him and even love me more..
 
for those who are losing hope that you think no one will accept you and love you for real, start believing that someone out there is destined for you, to love and care for you..
 
I love you so much bee...("wag na ko mangarap na maghihiwalay pa tayo" just like you said, he-he)

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