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      Lost Son

     


A greater son, you couldn't ask for, never a problem, truly, no exaggeration. Graduates college, apartment in the city with friends, gets great job in finance. Looking for fun and excitement in the big city. Sees 9/11, up close and personal, loses friends, traumatized but never says anything. We try to console him and his friends but young men are macho and never takes us up on invitation to come home, talk, help in anyway possible. Goes to bar after marathon, meets girl, falls head over heels. We meet her over dinner and she's criticizing him in subtle but obvious ways, already, after only 1-2 months. We are very responsible parents and have confidence in our son. We want the best for him and if he's happy, so be it. We agree now, even though he was so independent and book smart, he may have been naive in the world of seduction and we should have said, "she's a bit critical" or something. It's too late now. They date, we now realize, she knew the ways of the world (if you know hate I mean) and BIG city attractions. We all seem to get along until just few months later, after moving in with her, engaged. At that point, we had our doubts, but it was too late. He was hooked. She had traits of controlling and manipulation of him and anyone close to him. It was her way or there would be a problem. They decide to get married at a bed and breakfast, out of state, several hours away by air and road. He had always been involved in the church without forcing it down his throat but she decided, no church, no pastor, I want a judge or justice of the peace. By this time, his friends who had more contact with him in the city didn't like her because of her manipulation of his "guys" life. Not that it was wild bars and clubs, just what guys do. Go for wings and beer, watch football, etc.
To abbreviate this, she began placing demands on us that were unrealistic and I began to communicate to my son, "who's in control here." Yes, I understand, weddings are for the bride, my wife and I are not idiots. It was one thing after another. We now call it the Bridezilla syndrome, way over the top. We had to get (3) elderly people down south, fly and then drive for over (2) hours to get to this place. All (3) were in their 80's (2 are now deceased) and not in good health. We offered to have a small get together up here for these and others who couldn't make the trek. That didn't go over well. Then she decided on taking charge of the rehearsal dinner. She wants my father-in-law and his brother to be separated one at the dinner, one back at her parent's 2nd vacation house, my sister-in-law and her family were also required to go to the home. At that point we just took a stand and said, NO MORE. Just what she wanted us to do. Tried talking some sense into my son but in the background we could her going ballistic and on the phone with her mother. He calls us back withing 1/2 hour, we are dis-invited from the wedding. Her parents sent us a letter that he would have security at the place and "escort" us out if we showed up because of threats we had made to their daughter. Honest to GOD, we NEVER said anything of that nature. We're not that type of people. It was a lose-lose situation. Just what she wanted. Don't go, your parents abandoned you, or go and make a scene that could have been physical since all his friends were there and knew us as loving parents and would have come in on the confrontation. It would have been ugly. We've tried for 4 years to make contact with him, letters, cards, calling, e-mail. Some of the mailings were returned unopened or just thrown away. He has no friends anymore or family except hers. My wife is a basket case as we all miss him dearly.
Anybody have advice or a story like this one????

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