I'm writing this partly to get my emotions out, but also to share with some kindred spirits.
Almost a year ago, a new guy started working at my company. He was not my type by far, & so I paid him little attention. I noticed him checking me out. I'd see him out of the corner of my eye, but when I'd turn to look at him, he'd turn away quickly as soon as our eyes met. Then, one day, he struck up a conversation with me. From that day on, we began flirting, although not openly, since we were at work. We sent lots of emails & instant messages. He & his girlfriend had just broken up recently at the time. True, he wasn't my type, but his witty sense of humor, & his sweet gestures hooked me. I gave him my phone number, & told him that I was interested & would like to hook up when he was ready. We soon started hanging out after work, & were dating. Then one day, he established that he was my boyfriend, & I his girlfriend. Another girl at work started flirting with him-very openly. I mentioned this to him & he assured me that nothing was going on with them & that he just thought she was a cool person. Since she flirted with him so much, I made it known to her that he & I were an item. She backed off for a bit, then started up again. When I made mention of this to him again, telling him I didn't think he should let her flirt so much, he flipped out, & that night, we had a 4 hour phone conversation, & broke up. But, when this happened, he gave the reasons of the flirting situation, thinking I was a jealous person, but he also gave a lot of other reasons that he never mentioned before. He seemed to think that since I was older than him that I was looking to settle down & get serious right away, which he was not ready for. I never mentioned anything about marriage to him. He also thought that I didn't liek his friends, when in truth, I had only met 2 of them, and one was quiet while the other made me feel like an outsider to his group. He thought I wanted to spend every free minute with him just because we went out almost every; night after work. The truth is, I always made the plans. He never did, nor did he ever object to going out every; night, or tell me that he didn't feel like going out. Just a couple of days before the break-up, I was at his place, & he was telling me how much he liked having me there & that I could bring some of my things over & stay over whenever I wanted. It just didn't make sense, & it hurt very much. I have since tried to talk to him about things, & he still doesn't think that we would last, although he does little things to make me think he still wants me. We were onlyu together for a couple of months. He told me that all of his relationships were short, from 2 months to 2 weeks. I've finally gotten to a point where I realize that nothing I say or do will change his mind. However, seeing him everyday at work does not help me. We broke up 6 monts ago, & in recent months *I've gone out on several dates with different guys. And each time I go out with one of them, instead of getting over my ex, the dates make me miss him more. This is how I know that I have fallen in love with him. I still cry myself to sleep sometimes. And I still miss him dearly. Since I work with him, I don't know how long it will take for me to get over him. And I don't know if I truly ever will.