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      A First Love

     


At the tender age of fourteen, I was not looking to fall in love. I had had boyfriends, but I had not kissed. I had not loved. And to be honest, I didn't care.
 
Friends and family saw me through when things were tough. My friends claimed that they loved - but I saw their relationships crumble, and as they called and came by tearful and heartbroken, I began to think 'what good is this love thing?'.
 
Not much good at all, I soon came to believe.
 
That is, until I met Blake.
 
He was in a few of my classes, and we had mutual friends. Every once in a while we would be the odd pair out when our friends went on group dates. He would make me double up in laughter, and I loved talking to him.
 
Before long, he began calling me. I would answer the phone quickly as my mother raised an eyebrow, and listened to my giddy voice. The conversations would last for hours, and would touch every subject imaginable - from school to aliens, from cars to God.
 
Soon enough, our friends began to notice something, too. The girls were getting a bit eyebally of me, and when I mentioned this to Blake on the phone, he would casually hint that "they're just jealous."
 
I never got the courage to ask, "of what?"
 
My closest friends were over one night, and talking about their boyfriends. As usual I felt like the odd one out, but was quite happy that I had no boy to whine or fret about. Ellen, biting the straw of her Diet Coke, turned to me and said quite bluntly, "When are you and Blake going to go out?"
 
I spit out whatever I was drinking and began a round of nervous giggles. "Who EVER said we were going to go out?"
 
Raychael joined in, backing me into a corner, "You two are practically married. Don't lie."
 
I ignored them for a few minutes, and chewed my lip. What was I supposed to say? I couldn't say I'd never thought of going out with Blake... but would it ruin our friendship?
 
The phone rang, and I felt the blood rise to my cheeks.
 
"JESSIE, IT'S BLAKE!" My mom called from downstairs.
 
I rushed down and snatched the cordless away from her, mumbled a half-hearted "thanks", and rushed back upstairs. The two girls stared knowingly at me, and just shook their heads.
 
With the new idea planted in my head, I couldn't help but begin to feel different around Blake. My stomach would flutter when he was near, my mind would cloud when he smiled at me. I remember thinking this must be what it's like to actually like a boy.
 
So when Blake asked me to the movies one Friday, I about jumped out of my skin. I quickly invited my friends and their boyfriends, and nervously picked out an outfit. My mom assured me everything would be fine. I gulped, and headed into the movies.
 
Midway through the film (a horror - picked by Blake, nonetheless) I jumped a mile high. Did I mention I'm the worlds biggest wuss? Blake reached out, took my hand in his, and squeezed lightly.
 
I felt as if my hand may just melt off of my wrist.
 
As the credits played, and our friends got up to walk out of the movies, Blake and I remained linked at the fingers. Moments afterward, he took me aside, gathered both of my hands in his, and leaned into my ear whispering "Would you like to go out with me?"
 
I replied much quicker than I expected with and earnest "Of course!"
 
From there, things only got better. He would come over to my house all of the time, and we would hang out or watch movies. We would talk about all of the things we used to, and do our homework together. Every night he would call me, and he could still make me laugh at the littlest things.
 
He was my best friend, to say the least. I would come to his baseball games, and he would always be front row in my singing recitals. When my mom and I were shopping, he would call and beg to be picked up. My mom fell in love with him earlier than I, I think. The two hit it off from the start.  
 
My first kiss, was something I will never forget.
 
A whole group of us were at my house one afternoon, watching scary movies and making cookies. My mom had been bugging us all day to go outside and get some sun, but we were happier inside, cuddling.
 
Well, it soon began to rain. And Blake and I, who had become the couple famous for nonstop chatter, and the inability to sit still, were itching to go outside.
 
So we all did, and when the rain began to pour so hard that we could barely see three feet ahead of us, I turned and found Blake beside me. In one smooth motion, his hands were around my waist, and my arms had floated around his neck.
 
In the pit of my stomach, I knew what was coming. In all of my fourteen years, I had yet to feel an emotion this strong. My heartbeat seemed to be coming from my toes, and the world was spinning up and slowing down at the same time. Then, our lips met. And I was floating. It was zero gravity, and I had died and gone to heaven.
 
When he dumped me, my shattering heart was heard for miles. At least, that's what it felt like. My world was gone. My best friend, my first love. My first kiss. Months from my life had been taken, smashed, and put to waste. We no longer talk, and to this day there remains feelings in my heart for him. Though it's been nearly a year, now, I don't think they'll ever completely disappear.
 
And I am thankful for Blake. He showed me what I deserve, and though He caused me heartbreak... he showed me what it is like to love, and be loved in return.
 
I do not regret dating him. I guess it is true, how the old saying goes. It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all...

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