Loving somebody from another country who travels
It all started when I was visiting friends Easter 2004 in Wales. I just split up with my former boy friend in February and was just working on getting over him. I never really experienced love before even if I loved lads - I never really felt loved before.
However, when I med him I was already proper pissed. It was on a night out in a pub in a village close to where my friends live. I was playing pool with some others and doing pretty well. I cant remember how it came but in the end we were sitting talking to each other about all and anything - I felt that he was special to me. In the end my friend left me in the pub as she was too pissed and just forgot about me. He was dead cute and walked me to the house where I stayed the night. I did not want to leave him but I had to fly home two days later. The next day I felt dancing-on-air-happy, as he simply made me feel well.
Realizing I would never see him again I got so drunk that I spent the night with someone else. Not knowing if I was pregnant or not I had to sort this out and tried to go on living. However, I stayed in touch with the lad from the first night and we became real good friends - talking about everything except sexual stuff. In October I went to see him in the town where he studied - just for a coffee. I already thought I would feel more than friendship for him that time, but questioned it because our contact was just online. Therefore I thougt it was not real and that I might see things in him which I just wanted to see. When we med I realized that he just was like I thought. It was so hard to leave him that time but I had to. I admitted my feelings but he said that I was a wonderful girl but that he didn't expect anything more than a chat and a coffee. Well - I liked to believe in him as it was making things easier for me. However just before Xmas we were starting to talk about sexual things and it turned out that he felt the same for me but that it was too hard because of the distance. When I went over for Xmas to see my friends I did not see him as he was down for some reasons. Well it deeply upset me that time and I thougt I should better get over him as soon as possible. Therefore I started to flirt online - you know on one of these single pages. It was a shit experience. One lad didnt turn up at our meeting and the other was simply not my cup of tea. Anyways it was not fair that I went on that page as my heart was not free. Things got better with my online friend I had fallen for. In March 2006 I often got texts which told that he would miss me like mad. In April I again was over to visit friends so that it was easy to catch a train to see him where he studied.
It was a surreal but wonderful meeting and I am sure I will never forget it. I never felt like that when someone was hugging me - you know it just felt right, as it was meant to be.
In June I flow over again to see him for five days. It was a good week - however I totally meant to open up to him. He wanted to give us a little space as he started a round the world trip just a month later. Contact was not as good for some weeks as he was somewhere in the wilderness. But I still cared lots about him and hoped he was all right. When I went on a trip round North Germany I had the Idea to tell him that I loved him from the bottom of my heard in a letter which would wait for him to return. I really told him all about my feelings. He found out about the letter because his brother told him - I begged him not to get his brother to read it out on the fone because I did not want to make things harder for him. I thought it was enough if one person suffers under the distance. Additionally I did not want him to have a bad conscience because of living his dream. All was OK because he missed me just as much in the beginning as I did. Contact was bad the last month - just short emails and no chatting at all. Well I feared we might grow apart but he said that he was sure that we will see each other again next year as I will probably move to a town which is only 3,5 hours from where he lives. Well since a few days I know that he is currently seeing someone else now. This is how he expressed it. I as well noticed that the memory was fading away but g away but i would have waited for him even if things would maybe not work out in the future .I mean I would not lose anything while waiting but maybe win something of uncountable value: Real love. I now feel like my dream broke in hundreds of pieces. I never thought he would only tell me just in one sentence without giving a reason. I don’t know his motifs but hope that we will stay friends in the end. For some reason I am not really angry with him as that could happen to everyone who hasn’t seen the other person for half a year but still it does hurt like hell. I don’t know what the future holds or if there is another chance for us. I don’t even know if I can be with him again after all.
It helps that is all far away as I need to concentrate on my final exams now. Maybe it was a hopeless story from its beginning but I believed in it. I will keep it as a good memory – as all the good times don’t turn worse because of a shit end.