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      I will love you always


I met a man, I loved a man, with out reason without hesitation, completely, utterly, saw no faults, saw no flaws.  To me he was everything, every wonderful thing, indescribable in his wonder.  For a long time I waited for him.  Circumstances, conflict, time kept us apart.  We kept us apart.  Yet my heart was his everyday all day.  Memories of every conversation, every kiss, every laugh (and there were many) flooded me, daily.  One day I decided I had waited long enough, and I moved on.  You know his loss and all.  I loved again not the same way never the same way.  But "we" the original "we" stayed friends, celebrate with our families together.  Very grown-up.  Flirted, laughed shared our secret memories, never let on.   But I always thought there would be a time for us.  I just thought anything so wondrous, so miraculous, would have a time.  Then one day this man, this man who meant everything to me left this world by his own hand.  And I am left on this earth without him everyday, all day.  I live every moment like the moment before.  I raise my children, love my  husband, keep my home.  Inside a part of me is so broken, I fear it.  My friend, my love gone forever.  It seems truly unbelievable to me.  I push the thoughts, the devastation, away but there are times it can not be pushed away. Times like now while I write this in a flood of tears. 
If you find a man and you love a man without reason, never let anything get in the way including yourselves.
I will love this man until I take my last breath and after that.  


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