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      I gave everything


If you let someone make you bitter- then how do you know the next person that comes along in your life isn't the one? How can you ever really give that person a chance if you can't open up your heart?

Love is not easy, and love is cruel.

I was married for 8 years. We had two beautiful children Hailey, and Sera. My husband was older than me, and had been previously married. He had 2 other children. Kaleb, who lived with his mother, and Dustan who lived with us.

He and his ex wife had an ugly divorce. They weren't even friends. She sold all of his stuff. She cheated on him, and when he said he was leaving, she threw out all his clothes. sold his stereo equipment, and threatened to take the boys out of his life.

Two years after they divorced, I came into Damion's life. He was hesitant to let me in. He had loved his ex,, very much, and trusted her. He never saw it coming, and didn't even know that side of her existed.

A year after we had been together he finally said he loved me. Six months later, after lots of problems communicating he asked me to marry him. I said yes reluctantly.

Once we were married I was scared things between he and I would get worse. I was so scared I was making a mistake. But, they got better. We had the perfect marriage full of romance, and passion., We both gave just as much as we took.

Chanda, his ex fell ill with ovarian cancer, and Kaleb came to live with us. I always treated Damion's boys like our girls, just like they were mine. I never wanted them to feel uncomfortable.

Kaleb moving in was hard on us all, but it didn't cause fights, it just took adjustment. Chanda was scared she was dying, and for the first time since their divorce, Damion and Chanda put their feelings of hate aside, and came together for the boys. Damion took the boys to see their dying mother everyday.

But, the day came when Chanda found out she would be ok. A year into her recovery Kaleb moved home with his mother. That's when Damion told me, that he, and Dustan were going home to Chanda too.

I couldn't understand it......I didn't believe it. they had hated each other for more than 9 years.

I really thought he loved me. apparently I was just a long term rebound, and he never got over her.

They have been back together for 5 years now. my girls don't trust their father, and don't wish to be close to him. I still keep in touch with Dustan a lot, and occasionally, Kaleb.

Damion and Chanda are married again, and have just given birth to a daughter Eliza. she's a beautiful baby, and they are happy.

I can't sit here and say I am over him. I know it has been five years. but like Damion it's hard to get over him. I know I will one day. until I do I won't get with anyone else, and have an 8 year rebound. I know I sound bitter, but I am not. I am just still confused, and I don't understand. he tries to visit his girls now, and they won't even leave the house with him. I don't discourage them from loving their dad. I would never do that to my girls. but they are very smart, and they see the circumstances here. I begged them last week to let their daddy back in their life. I don't want them to regret it later.

So here I am alone....where I never thought we'd be. he never missed me. even after how great we were.

I feel like I was just tossed aside. he never allowed me in his heart, and that's why it was easy for him to walk away.

He makes me sad. to think that I could love him so much and it never made a difference. she gets to share his life when she is the one who caused so much pain in it. He is also raising a daughter with her that she had with the man she cheated on him with, I know I should be ok, but I believe that love is forever. and I don't see how I am ever supposed to be ok again.

I gave everything to this man, I was willing to give the rest of my life. I had babies with this man. I thank my stars everyday for them. my Hailey and sera...... remnants of my past, and my hope for a future.


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