My Love ( A True Story)
1986 was a year that will change my life forever, sitting outside on one summer’s day a flash of beauty just passed me by her name was Zia, now this was love at 1st sight, gasping for breath I tried to get control of my self. This moment was going to change my life forever. From the moment I looked into her eyes, I knew she was the one, the one I would spend the rest of my life with, until my time was done.
I was lucky enough that soon someone suggested a night out. At the time was ecstatic as my only wish that she would hopefully be there.I was even more thrown over board when I heard she would beThe few hours I had to wait felt like a few days, wow the time has arrived to fetch her. She gets into the vehicle and we are on a night out to rememberI can’t stop keeping my eyes off her I try to hold her and she is abit defensive at first.
The evening is the most romantic as you could get a full moon with the backdrop of lovely mountains I start to talk her and hold her hands.She gives in and we hold hands.This was the softest hands I have ever held in my life. I just could not let go from that moment forward.We walked around holding hands very discreetly my heart pounding away as I have never felt like this for anyone in my life; I was shocked at the way my heart was pounding. This was the first time I had all these emotions, where just new to me. This was the night where the grass was green; this was the night where the moon lit so bright. This was the night of discovery. The night of recovery...
This was the night of a new love ,
the night where we became one. We walked and let out some very inner feelings. The evening felt too short, she turns around and we are alone, I put my arms around her I feel her soft gentle lips on mine and this is my first kiss. I kiss her passionately as I have never kissed anyone like this before. I felt a bit embarrassed, did I kiss her correctly or did I look so stupid. For me this was the kiss of a lifetime. From that moment forward all I could do is only think about my love. I cannot eat sleep or do anything without thoughts of her on my mind. This was the start of a relationship that would last for eternity.I get home all flushed ,excited ,with butterflies in my tummy not knowing what was actually happening to me, I asked is this love why is this I cannot breath, Oh god help me make sense of what is going on in my heart. My parents where taken back with me asking me if I was sick or was something wrong as I was too occupied with her on my mind and not saying much.
We spent days and nights on the phone even sleeping on the phone this love far beyond anything I could have ever imagined.Within 5 months by parents moved near her family which took me miles away from my sweetheart.We got to live near some of her family which I got to know very well and spent allot of time around them Zia would come down on holidays which was brilliant.Everything between her family and I seemed perfect as could be.
We would meet discreetly from the family until we both felt we where ready for marriage. We by now have been going out for 3 years the love just got stronger with every day.First we both come from Indian families’ culture religion plays a major part in our families.Culturally & religiously what we have been doing would have been deemed in correct.Having a romance like we have was taboo at the time. Our long distance relationship went on for years with me travelling to her on every opportunity I received.The feeling of being loved giving her every attention I could give from my body heart and soul.We lied hid and did anything possible to get every moment together we could manage. By now we could not keep our hands off each other and being a part for anytime was something neither she nor I could handle anymore.
Well she and I both decided that it was time we spoke to the family as they know me so well over the years and there really should be no problems if my parents asked for her hand in marriage. I was lucky as my parents where very liberal so it was much easier for me to talk to them. We have a family meeting with my parents and my sister I make my intentions known and confess my love for the woman I love and I asked them to please ask her parents for her hand in marriage.Her dad passed away so her uncles and mother needed to be consulted, this is the cultural way of how things should be done.My parents set up a meeting with her family and I have been asked to be present at the discussion. The day comes when we go and we ask for her hand in marriage, I feel a very uncomfortable when we enter but play that down to me just being nervous We take a seat and great everyone, as we are all familiar with each otherOne of her uncle’s is an Accountant and he asks me a few questions, general questions which I answered to the best of my ability.I start to sense or get the feeling that somehow things have changed overnight, they are asking me questions as if they never new me. It was a scary feeling.One of the questions was how I would look after his niece as I have no qualifications because I have left school early to help my dad when he got ill. My dad and I both suggested that he has a business and I would run that business which eventually I would inherit. He did not seem very impressed with that answer. He said to me he has high hopes for his niece he would prefer someone more professional and would some qualifications someone like a Doctor or Lawyer even an Accountant.Businessman or self-employed was not very professional in his eyes so I got the feeling/He also asked how much money I have. At this point being young and naive I was getting very upset as I got the impression that I was in the bank applying for a mortgage. I kept my cool and listen carefully to everything they had to say. By this time I realised that her family did not approve of me, shocking as it was to realise it sure was the truth. He went on to say to me that without a profession or a degree life would be very difficult for me, I even offered to study thinking this would please him.Harsh and it hurt to bits what I was hearing worst was that I am not going to have the woman I love more than life.The normal situation when you ask someone’s hand in marriage they have a few days to come back to you.So we where told they will let us know. A few days later they came out with an excuse so it does not look bad that his nice was too young. My parents apologised to me saying they have done the best they could do and can’t really do anything more. I could not handle this we both decide we will not allow the families to break up the love we share. Zia lived 700km away from her family at the time with her mum and 3 sisters. We carried on our secret relationship yet again knowing the family won’t approve of us, we both could just not let go. Being that far away I had met a friend where I live by the Name Jane, Jane and I got very close as she was there for me to talk too. I had many moments where I used to feel so useless and speak to Jane about my inner feelings.
The love that my beloved and I have would conquer all was my thoughts.Zia has a friend who is getting married and she was invited to the wedding, her friends and I have met on many occasions, they supported our relationship and hoped we could get married as well. I was down for this wedding and Zia and I talk we share our thoughts of how do we deal with the families, I love her so much yet her family cant see that, well shocking to me I hear from her that the following day her family had arranged and allowed someone to come ask for her hand in marriage.Hearing this just drove me insane, these same people said she was too young to get married now all of a sudden she not.This just confirmed to me these people where money hungry bigots who where looking for there own benefit than cared anything about how Zia and I felt. Zia cried and said to me if I go home tomorrow they are going to marry me off to someone else. I told my sweetheart I will not stand for that. She and I discussed the best thing to do was to elope and get married that way no-one will ever keep us apart.Well we got into the vehicle and went off to do just that, we go to a family member of mine and tell them our predicament ,they suggest Zia calls home and let her mum know she is with me and not coming back home.We also make our intentions known that we intend to get married.The night draws till the morning with phone calls and threats all roads are manned searching for us. My parents get very upset with me as they tell me this is not the right way to do things. My uncles and most of my family by now get involved in this love triangle. Most of them felt I am bringing a very bad name to the family and should not get married like this, they all promise me they will get us married but I need to do it in the correct manner.I asked what the correct manner is as I have been down that way and they want to marry her off to someone else.They promise yet again give her back and we will start all over again and guarantee we will be together. After some pressure from my parents we agree. This was going to be another memorable chapter.
We arrange a meeting with her family to hand her back and arrange an engagement the following week. At this meeting I had my mum’s brother representing me and her uncles came there to take her back and discuss things. I noticed the moment I walked into the room my so called uncle was not there to represent me but save face for the family. I sat there in what supposed to be a discussion only to get blasted at how I kidnapped there niece and being brought down to feel like the worst person a live, by this time I could not even look at Zia as I felt my darling I have failed you yet again being young being naive I had no resources but to remain silent and watch the love of my life being taken away yet again. I suspected then that I have made the mistake of not getting married while I could as now it’s going to be even more difficult, still I would not give up hope and said well next week they promised to have us engaged. Zia gone back to her family all I had was hope so I went back home, when I got home things got even worse her family had no intentions of ever getting us married, Zia as soon as she got home was banned from leaving the house or even answering the phone she was given the hiding of her life leaving her bruised black and blue hearing all this drove me insane, I have failed my love yet again, I would sit up at night talk to Zia in my mind apologising to her cause I have failed her yet again, I am supposed to have protected my love and I cant even do that. Her family was not done with me on a Friday they get hold of me they assault me and bundle me into the booth of the car. I only got left alone when more people came around the vehicle. I had 2 of her uncle’s assault me and one watch guard and they made it clear that I was never going to have her.The Monday I had a Policeman come to my house with a charge of kidnapping?I went to the police station and also opened a charge for Assault. Her uncles asked me to drop the assault charge and they would drop the kidnapping charge. Well that took care of the legal matters but it sure did not help in me getting my sweetheart back. The Accountant was full of threats he told me that if I don’t leave Zia alone I need to remember she has 3 more sisters and they will all suffer, the harder I push and they would make Zia’s life a living hell. This was a turning point for me I have failed my love in everything so far, will I now ask her and her sisters and mom to pay for something I am totally responsible for. I could not.
Jane & I and I got closer as I would tell her my most inner thoughts and how confused I am in the direction I should take.I would tell her how much I love Zia and cant stand the pain I am putting her threw. Jokingly I say to Jane, hey Jane if we hook up maybe Zia would forget me and move on to a better life ,maybe I am not good enough for her, she deserves the best all I have given her is a is pain sorrow ,heart aches and failure.Jane laughs and says yeah why not hey, feeling totally heartbroken and dying for a hug I put my arms around Jane for some comfort, well that just lead to Jane and me kissing and ended up spending the night together.I work up in the morning hating myself, I was going insane, by now I had felt terrible. Jane and I had a talk the following day where I apologised for my outburst, I told Jane I love Zia very much and what happened with us shouldn’t have happened. She also Apologised being the kind person that she is, at least we are still friends were her words. I started having thoughts of hoping if maybe Zia hated me she would get on with her families wishes. I hated my self as well because I have betrayed her.
I felt if I got involved with someone else at least Zia and she and her family will be spared by the wrath of her uncles they all could move on with their life and things would get better and easier for her. I started a relationship at this point with Jane, Jane was always there for me when I needed her and I guess she was the easiest for me to latch on too. Jane and I discussed Zia and I made it clear to her that I could never love anyone as much as I love Zia also that if Zia ever needed me I would be there for herJane finds out she is pregnant this I read as a sign to let Zia move on with her life, I explain to Jane my feelings for Zia and we discussed how to handle our situation. Jane and I got married on the 1st of April 2000, by now we were expecting our 1st child. I do my best to move forward with a life that will make it easier for Zia to get on with hers, I hoped she would by now hate me so much to at least find someone who would not fail her as much as I did. Zia was sent away to keep us out of reach of each other; I thought this would also help her make a life. My love for her was so deep being married I would go to bed every night thinking and hoping she was ok, Jane new how I felt, I at this time and was very patient with me. I felt I have hurt so many people around me including Jane, I was totally lost, Jane would hug me every night and say to me time heals old wounds ,I got to realise as well that Jane actually had fallen in love with me.I was not sure if Zia’s life got better as in society she would have to keep the relationship she and I shared a secret, if anyone new very few with marry her.I still felt although I am trying to help her I have stained her life for ever... Zia gets married I hear about it and with tears in my eyes I break down, I miss her so much I still love her.
Eventually I get to grips and realise I should be happy for her as I say to my self sweetheart at least your life is going to start, our love we share will be ours forever. Zia's husband is a man not even I could stand up to she truly got the best.Her family allowed this marriage purely as a factor anyone but me is now good enough all there talk of profession went out the window. Time has been going and the saying time heals old wounds only if that was true.I have been trying best to contact here I just needed to hear voice and tell her I am sorry for everything I have put her threw.After some searching I mange to get a phone number.I phone her to check how she is doing. Hearing her voice gave me goose bumps, trying that she does not hear the frog in my throat and the tears in my eyes I ask her how she is doing and Apologise for my failures. I can hear in her voice the love we share is burning bright in her heart. She tries to hide her feelings for me and I do the same, we always managed to think for each other so well. She would always know what I was thinking and so would I We started to talk to each other every now and again just checking we both where ok.Zia was pregnant now that was great news amazing, you would think I was the father I was so happy for her. Her life for once now is going in the right direction.We have kept contact all this time yet we have been apart for Twenty years.I still feel her love in my heart I guess I only look forward to everyday that comes just in case I get a glimpse of my sweetheart. My love for Zia is unconditional I will love her until my last breath.I do my best to be a good husband to my wife and I also feel guilty for my failures and misgivings.Jane and I are still married I try to be a good husband for her and she and I have 2 kids my daughter aged 16 and a son aged 12. I have grown to also Love Jane in a very different way she has been by my side all this time.I laugh, I joke I put on a front that everyone accepts my life as they see it perfect in others eyes. I live my life everyday with pain, agony and live purely as a son to my Parents, Father to my children, a Husband to my wife and a Failure to the one I Love the most
The 26th of December 2006 will be 20 years for Zia and I. The names in this story have been changed.