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      He will

     


Well, the story, i guess, starts when i fell in love for the first time. We were quite young, and although he loved me more, our love was so overwhelming. i guess i started loving him more one place along the way? anyway, we went out for more than a year ( a lifetime it seems at my age), until he dumped me. I cried my heart out, even visited this site for comfort, but it couldn't receive my story, and it hurt like hell. Never been so hurt before. But i guess i somehow got over it, it still hurts (almost a year from now), but i don't think about him like before, and i don't want him back. So i met someone new. He was so incredibly handsome, like, movie star handsome, and i figured, well, i won't even bother then, but somehow something clicked, and we fooled around. He's a couple of years older than me, yes i know, it is such a clicheé! but anyway, we started having sex regularly, and even though he said many times that he didn't want me for a girlfriend, it still felt as though he did when we made love. I fell in love. i know i shouldn't have, but i did. he made me feel so good about myself, made me happy and made me feel sexy. the sex in itself was mind blowing, and i was just so happy. Several times he said he had to break it off, but he always came back, and i happily took him back, my god, he was the dream guy! I used to look at him, and just wonder, how the hell did i manage to get someone so perfect to even look at me twice? after around four months he just broke it off, saying that he'd found someone else, and that if he was to have a shot with her, he had to stop seeing me. i can understand that, sure,  it just hurts. why can't he love me? what's so wrong about me? i can't even write anything else, it just really really hurts. i have to see him everyday at school, and he won't even just hang out anymore, afraid that someone might think we were fooling around. and i just want to be near him. i want him to hold me and love me, and appreciate me. but he never will. it feels like i will never ever be happy, because every time i get close, God just takes it all away. I want him to want me, but he never will. and it hurts, because I've grown accustomed to talking to him every day, telling him things and laughing over small thing, but he won't even talk to me, and i just can't bear to take the first step, if he doesn't even want to see me anymore? why should i bother him with my feelings if he doesn't care? I'd rather just be alone and cry. so that's what I'm doing, sitting alone, and crying. i want him to be happy, i want him to feel loved, but i also want him to understand how good i am, and how much love i could give him. I'd make him happy. I'd love him, take care of him, listen to him, simply love him. i need him, but he couldn't care less i guess.. and it hurts. it hurts like hell. and i am so ready to just give up, throw the towel in and just stop caring at all, stop believing in love, stop loving. but i can't, because i am such a hopeless romantic, such an emotional being, and i need love. but right now, i need it from him. i need him. but I'll never have him, and so i write this story, to ask, is it really possible? i need him. but i can't ever have him. is that fair? is that life? well if it is, i don't want to start thinking about how much it really hurts, because i might start thinking, is it really worth it? is life worth this pain? i really want him. and i really love him. dear God, if you are listening: Help me. Let me show him love. Let me take care of him. Let him love me, and please, make me happy. he will.

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