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      what is true love?


I'm glad I found this website because I too have an interesting story to tell as well. I had meet this guy many years ago (2001) and automatically I knew I really liked him. He is the kind of guy that is very charming and knows that he has this charm. So this is the charm that I had been attacked by, I should say. Well anyways, at the time he had a girlfriend and when I saw him after a couple years, he had broken up with her. So, now his charm was getting to me even more. He was quite inviting, friendly, sweet, and kind gentleman. We started studying together, seeing eachother more often and one thing lead to the next. We finally had a passionate moment of kissing:) By this point, I was just melting because I had never felt this was about anyone that I had kissed before. This time it felt right. He was just amazing in the beginning and I was in another world. I knew nothing and saw nothing. My world only consisted of him. The sad part was, he was sooo close to me in terms of friendship and time but didn't want a "relationship." It was just like a relationship, however without clear clarification. Perhaps, my mistake started from this point on. I should have ended it, but my heart didnt let me. I was, by this point, in love with him. I loved him for how he made me feel, for how he treated me, for his charm, his smile, his genuine personality, and just even the "bad" things that I had accepted from him. So that is mistake number 2. I accepted him the way he was and NEVER spoke my mind because I had the biggest fear of losing him. I had this concept that if I objected to anything, I would lose him. Mistake number 3. I began questioning why this was happening to me, why was he like a boyfriend to me, why was he so passionate, why did he treat me the way he did, why, why, why. So the first 3 months was excellent. However, we had months that were up and down. But in all, he seemed as if he really cared for me. Mistake number 4, he "seemed". So in all I knew that it was going anywhere and I was in pain for several months. He was a strange person because he had told me thtat it is very difficult for him to love somoene. I knew his past relationship status, and I tell you, it was NOT good. I really feel like he loved me and was afraid of committing to me because of cultural reasons. I cant thikn of him as a bad person. So now here comes the breakup. He tells me that he has a girlfriend adn that he is in love with her and that he is honestly thinking of marrying her. So this guy that I had soo respected, adored, and loved, broke my heart. The guy I gave everything to. I mean everything! I knwo I made many mistakes and that is probably the reason why I lost him. For several motnhs I blamed myself, I quit my job. I cried everyday for several months in search for answers. I no longer talked to him. I hated him, but I really didnt. I couldn't believe that he had the intention of hurting me, of making me feel miserable. It took me over 1 year to recover from this "heart injury" and at times I find myself thinking about him in seach for answers. So I saw him after one year and once again he mentioned his girlfriend to me. This time I confronted him by telling him that it was disrespectful of him to mention her to me, especially after what we went through. I knew I lost him by  this point. In a say I knew he wasn't for me but I still wanted him back. I still don't hate him. I finally believe that I got over many things but I wish we would have ended it on good terms. I feel like we are now enemies, so what should I do. 


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