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      He was and still is my one true love

     


It was his eyes, and his smile, his laughter, and that wonderful personality that he had that made me fall in love in every sense and in the purest of ways. It was the awkward of it that sometimes made me think if it was really love. I had known him for about 2yrs but never had even though about an "us". He was not by any means the type of guy that i wanted in my life. I always thought that he was too immature. I don't know how it happened or when i started to see him as more than just a friend. We went to the movies one winter night, that's when it all started. We watched the movie and I'm not sure how we ended up in the corner with his arms around me and a soft kiss. By the end of the night we where a "couple". I decided it was best for us to keep it on the low for the moment. After about a week the whole school knew that we where now an "us". At first i think it was kinda weird for both of us. But after a while we got used to it, actually we became very close. We would talk every night, and see each other every day at school. When summer got near i was a little worried with how we would manage our relationship but everything worked out great. He would come over to my house like every afternoon (he only lived a couple of streets from me) and we would go to the park and take long walks through the woods. One time in particular that i remember was when we sat at a picnic table at the park and watched the sunset. So getting back on track, well all around where a very good couple. The day that it all came crashing down was one that i had prayed for never to come. July 26, 2005, a day after our 4 month anniversary . As i sat on the couch with my cell in one hand and whyping the tears with the other i felt my heart brake into a million pieces. It was so fast how things happened that when i had barely started to fall into that beautiful dream i awakened. I often think back to it and try to laugh at the memories and smile when i look at his picture instead of cry. I do not regret sharing memories with him or crying long nights, instead i thank god for having let me meet such a great person and for sharing things with him that i thought i would never share. I thought that in him i had found my self but now i realize that i was never lost. My memories of him are some of the most precious ones. I never did loose him, hes still here for me and maybe not as i pictured it to be at one point but i like to think that everything happens for a reason. I see him every now and than in school and we talk when we get a chance. My heart still beats every time i hear his voice, and sometimes i still awake from a dream of him. I think that love is what makes us strong when we are weak and also makes us weak when we are strong. That's what he has done for me, he made me find a strength in me that has helped me through. Sometimes i regret so much and think of "what ifs" but i cant live off of the past because that is not living. I know that i made mistakes and maybe that's what made it come to an end but i have learned from them and have grown to understand things, now i am more capable to love and be loved. I wont lie because i am scared to love once more but "fear is not of god".  He was and still is my one true love, maybe one day i can tell him everything that i have said to you all.

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