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      i damaged my love with drugs

     


im 42 yrs old i was married to the most loveing woman for 21 years - yet i was to stupid to see how much she loved me -due to pot and antidepresants.(very bad to mix these). i was so sick from the drugs and so mean to others  -that my wife was hateing me more and more --so much that i thought that i needed to find love somewhere elce -and a girl at my job was coming on to me (because i did not where a wedding ring ) stupid huh?
well she suckered me into her web and i was so confused that i fell for it .
my son who also works at my job age 20 found out and told his mom and the crap hit the fan - so my only thoughts were its over for me now  i need to get a devorce -another very stupid idea, well ive been devorced now only for six mths and have gotten off all the drugs and plan to never ever take anything again not even drinking (thats a drug also) as long as i live ---and im not just saying that im living it --the only problem is now that i can think straight for myself without the drugs -i realize more than ever what i did to the love of my life and my family --and trust me it hurts more than death itself --and i know now and admit freely that i caused all of this do to my lust for pot - trust me fellas you never know how good you had it till its gone from your life. i dont blame my wife for any of this -i did it all on my own -i never helped her when she needed my help with the kids and i should have -i should have kissed the ground she walked on. well now there is'nt a night i don't go to sleep crying and there is'nt a day i don't wake crying -saying to myself what have i done to my life my love and my family -and for what just to smoke pot and waste my time , my money ,my life how stupid can i be.
im trying so hard to get my wife back -yet im so afraid ive damaged her love for me and im not sure if she will ever trust me or get over what i have done
when i wasn't smokeing pot my marrage had some wonderful times -and i try and focus on that. i told god that if i can't get her back , just let me die because liveing without her in my life im dead already. i write her letters -emails and call her sometimes but she keeps rejecting me -and for good reason all i showed her was hate and should have showed her love - now she says she is liveing her life without me and enjoying herself -she is happy and sees my as an unhappy person . i told her i will never give up and i can only hope that there is just a piece of love left in her heart for me and someday she will find it and come back to me. cause without her i am truly alone and will remain so for the rest of my life -i can never love another as much as i love her my heart wont let me -i will always love her -i just hope some day she will come to see this and want to start over fresh and new with love without drugs and hate -am i crazy yes im crazy in love with only her.
so the lesson here guys is treat her with respect -with as much love as you can find and always put her first above all above drugs and you will never get where i have been.
 
wk

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