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Before I was with mark, I was in a healthy long-term, long-distance, relationship. Where everything was perfect between us and he was on the verge of saying I love you to me. I've never had someone say I love you and Iíve never told someone that I loved them.

Me and that guy broke up and I fell for mark. Mark would always say little things just to flirt and do cute things for me, nothing big but enough to show he cares. Mark and I got together and everything was perfect. My best friend (Mandy) was dating marks best friend (Pat) and we did everything together. We went camping, double dates to play pool at the bar or just out to eat. this went on for awhile. Mandy broke up with Pat, but everything was awesome between mark and I. Why wouldnít it be, itís not like we needed our best friends to be dating in order for us to remain a couple. Well Mark and I broke up a week after our best friends broke up.

8 Hours later, I sent him this poem that I wrote to him, that Iíll always remember:

I never for once thought that this could be true.
That I'd be the one to be with you.
Every moment still feeling like a dream.
Nothing I can imagine, or possibly seem.
Holding your hands, kissing your lips and feeling the warmth from your hips.
Making me smile and making me laugh, never making me think of my past.
Waking up next to you with an instant grin.
Thinking to myself ďItís actually him!"
Realizing that my dream had come true.
And that dream was YOU.

After sending that to him, he called his best friend pat and asked him "what did I do!?". Pat told him that he made a huge mistake, and that he should call her (me) Mark called me and asked if it was alright if he came over, and of course, my answer was yes.

We got back together and after a month it happened all over again. Then we got back together that same night, when he seen me at a party and asked if he could walk me home. We got back together again.. of course. Everything was fine, until he felt like he couldn't be in a relationship anymore.

Everyone told me "You deserve soooooo much more" and I never listened to them, because I always believed that mark and I could make "US" work. I kept getting my heart ripped out. Mark asked me why I still want to be with him so I told him ďI love the feeling that I get when Iím near you, I can have a horrible day, but knowing that Iím going to be seeing you later makes me forget about all the things that had happened earlier. You make me feel happier than anyone else has ever been able to" He made me stop because he said it brought him to tears.( I didnít feel bad, because thereís been so many nights as to where I was the only one left crying)

I gave everything to mark. I can't look at someone else without comparing them to how mark is or how he does something and how mark made me feel.

When he finally decided that he couldn't give me that something that I deserved, he called it quits. I wrote him a letter to tell him that before I leave I donít want to lose the one and final opportunity to tell him exactly how I truly feel for him. "I love you" was said somewhere in there. He called me and he didn't say one word about it, only ďI still hope you call" andĒ You can still call me if you want". It hurt so bad hearing that from someone who was my first love.

When I was suppose to leave at 7 am one morning to go to AB to live, he was away on a camping trip with the "boys"(like always) and I left a message on his phone saying that Iím leaving in the morning and I wanted to at least say good bye. The next day on msn, his name was ďI lost a piece of my heart today" and when I talked to him later on, and the first thing he asked is WHERE ARE YOU? and when I told him that I was still in town, his name changed right away to I'M IN A GOOOOOOD MOOD.

I guess my heartache story rambles on, but the main point to this, is that, the one person I want to be with and love to death, isn't with me.

--C.D

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