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      man of my dreams


I met a very tall, skinny boy in high school who seemed so shy. I tried so many times to say hello to him, he wouldnt even look at me. For the whole four years of high school, we would pass me in the hall...he never said hi- and just became 'that kid who wont look at me'...
Six years had passed.
One day,I was driving to work on Broadway when a large man driving in front of my car stopped abruptly and got out. Everybody was leaning on thier horns and yelling out their car windows. Ignoring all the commotion, this man continued toward my car and tapped on the window. It was that kid from high school, now grown. He told me he always had feelings for me, wanted to go on a date, and would not stop asking until I said yes. Taking him up on a challenge, I said no. He gently persued me for three months, finally we went out.
Our first date was the best time of my life. We continued dating for eight years; it was a very passionate relationship, both physically and emotionally. I truly loved him with all my heart. Things were not always perfect; we had our share of fights and disagreements, even broke up for short periods occasionally-but always ended up back together. We would laugh at how much we needed to be together and how "no matter what, I am just not happy without you in my life"...
This was the man of my dreams. I loved him with all my heart and soul. I planned to grow old with this man. He was my life. He was the center of my world-I would do anything for him...and he returned my affections equally, for many years.
One day I called him (as I usually did);but he hung up on me. I thought he was fooling around so I kept calling, and he kept hanging up. Finally, he burst out yelling and screaming "stop calling me!" and hung up for a final time. I was so confused, we had been getting along fine, we werent fighting about anything, I truly do not know what went wrong.
I have not heard from him or seen him for five months now. I thought he was maybe in some kind of trouble, but he changed his phone number and pager number. I now realize his only trouble was he wanted me out of his life. He changed his job, and rumor has it he is dating someone else..already.
The pain is devastating. The realization that this 'man of my dreams' was not what he portrayed is so crushing, its hard to breath sometimes. While I was loving him, he was looking elsewhere. While I trusted him, he betrayed me. While I waited and longed for him to come home, he was planning an escape. He calculated against me, plotted and waited until he had a good set up-and I had no idea this was happening. The man of my dreams has become the object of my nightmares. It hurts so deeply, so very, very much.


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