I won't say I'm in Love....
“I won’t say I’m in Love”
I do realize this probably is not smart seeing as my story is not complete yet. Mind you it is long enough. But as the one-year anniversary of the starting of these events draws nearer I feel an urge to share my experience with someone other then my best friends. I am only fourteen I know I am young and cannot possibly be in love. I have always looked down on people who start this crazy game too young but. Alas it takes us by surprise when we lest expect it.
First of all Music is my life I sing 24/7 and constantly have music on. Life without music to me is life without air- Impossible. Now back to my story.
In grade seven a new friend told me the boy in my class whom I liked felt the same way. Eventually I gave in and believed her. I shouldn’t have given out my heart so easily. When I was finally starting to truly believe it he told me in front of the whole class that he just didn’t feel that way at all.
I tried to hate him and stop all feelings for him but I couldn’t. My parents are so happy together and so in love and seeing as I am always told I am my mother all over again I was looking for someone who reminded me of my father. That boy did. In some ways. But we were both too young and too different. So it took a long time to get over him. A year almost but I’m getting a head of my self. Meanwhile my new best friend who had set us up in the first place experienced her own heartache but couldn’t handle the pain and slowly slipped into depression. Dragging her best friend with her. Those months were the worst in my life. In one year my grandfather had died of Cancer, my beloved Theatre group shut down because the founder died and I had my first crush and my friend was depressed and slitting her wrists and wanting to die. It left me hating boys. All they ever did was cause trouble. I wanted to go to an all girls’ school but my parents would not let me. “They’re jerks, you can’t be friends with them. They have no feelings!”
At the end of the summer I got a letter telling me about auditions for a show in a new group set up at the local theatre for young kids to go and do what they love. I was scared I hadn’t done anything out of my old group since I was seven. But my passion won me over and I tried out and according to my mum nailed it. While at the auditions I saw many people I knew which made me feel more secure. I also saw a boy who looked about eighteen he was so tall. When he sang I was impressed. I didn’t know of many boys that sang especially that well. He was kinda cute too which helped I suppose.
Anyway later that week I got news I was in and had my first solo! I was filled with joy. A few weeks later while school shopping I wondered into the music department at Wal-Mart. I was walking up and down ales looking for a cd when I bumped into a boy. It was the boy from the auditions we mumbles an “sorry” and out of the corner of my eye I saw him do a double take and I would have sworn he recognized me.
A few weeks later I started grade eight and vowed to have a better year with no boys. To stay focused on my marks and get ready for high school. Easy to say it but can you do it? The show’s (which was Godspell) first practice rolled around. I went extremely nervous and when in an activity group where we were doing name games I found I knew many people and the boy was there. I learned his name was Joseph. After that rehearsal I must admit I forgot about him. I became good friends with two girls I already new and one I hadn’t. The four of us became inseparable. But one night my one friend asked if I knew the name of the boy beside her. It was Joseph but I couldn’t remember. The next week I went to learn my solo that was really 6 people singing by themselves. My friend was in it and on the night she came late and while I was sitting there waiting Joseph walked in. The director told him to sit beside me and I showed him where we were. The next practice he came up to me and talked with me. I was suddenly on alert. This boy was paying attention to me. It wasn’t the friendly hello every now and then. He fallowed me around and would talk to me. He wanted to be friends. But I wasn’t interested in having a guy friend. I told my friend (who was doing better) and she said to just give him a chance. He just wanted to be friends. So I decided to try. He began asking me to be his dance partner. I realized how we were in almost every song together. I found myself one night after I had gotten frightened and avoided him waiting alone outside for my ride. I kept watching the door half wanting not to see him yet also wishing for him to come down. Then I decided to go up and see him since I was all alone. Just as I walked to open the door he came running down the steep steps and we ran right into each other. I looked up at him and he said “would you believe me if I said I didn’t see you?” I said “Not a chance” After that we became inseparable and he joined my group of friends. The show was a blast and I ended up liking him almost right after the night we bumped into each other. I learned he went to the high school I am attending this year and was then only 15. My birthday is the day before his and we have soo much in common and love musicals and theatre. We would always sing together. After the show ended I missed him emensly. We talked on msn and emailed each other. But it wasn’t the same. He was in a show I wasn’t in but he made me swear I would be there opening night. We then found out about a show we could try out for. I told him he had to and he said he would work on his parents. They ended up saying no. He emailed me with the sad news yet encouraging me to still tryout and he told me he would come see it when I got in. Not if I got in when I got in. He had faith in me. That’s why I love him. He always showed faith and intrest in me and my dreams. He had pulled me from the darkness given me life. Showed me how to trust and love again. He always had known when something was wrong. The first day he said my name was the day I didn’t know where my life would end. My friend was really suicidal and it was killing me. With some friends I had told the teacher hoping it would help but no difference seemed to take place. That night I was soo sad and quiet at Godspell and he just leaned over and called my name. It was.. something new. Anyway I prepared for the auditions. They were the hardest and I put the most effort I ever had into my piece. When I sang the song at the second night of auditions I sang it for him. It was “On my own” from Les Miserables. The next night I went to the callbacks with my dad. When I walked in I was thinking how much I missed him and my other friends. The suddenly I saw him. Sitting by himself. His mom near where I was standing. My heart started racing. I told my dad and we sat behind my friend from school. I watched Joseph wishing he would turn and see me. Why was he here? He said he wasn’t trying out! Later we were divided into groups of our gender and age. I stayed back with the younger girls because I was scared and because I would be closer to my friend Jayme from school who happened to be two people down from Joe. Joseph finally saw me and waved and smiled big. Soon after he got up and walked behind me I didn’t turn cuz I didn’t want to be stupid. But a few seconds later I felt a poing on my head. I looked up and saw him walking back to his seat he looked at me with a devilish grin and I melted. Later he tried to write letters in the air to talk to me so I got up and scurried over. “You Lied!!” I whispered. “So you did get the email” He replied. We talked and I learned his mom had snuck him there without telling his dad. He was called up to read many parts and I was positive he would get in. Jayme also read a few times and I would quietly call “Go Jayme” But Joe heard me and I saw him watching me and Jayme. Later Joe told me to sit with him. My age group was done but could stay to watch. Daddy who knew I liked him and was fond of Joe so far let me stay and ended up talking with his mom. We were sitting singing along with the two lovers on stage and reciting a wedding proposal scene having a blast. Jayme was sitting in front of me so I hit his chair and we talked a bit after Joe asked “do you know him?” I told him how I did but he still seemed all strange. We ended up all getting in. Joe has to marry a girl 5 years older then him and it kills me most of the time. Joe and Jayme both hate each other. Jayme thinks Joseph is too weird. Joseph thinks Jayme is too arrogant and full of himself. Joseph and I’s friendship had grown very strong and it has been asked if we are dating. I wish. We sing together all the time. He is writing a book and has put my name in it. I am not allowed to read it till it is done. I’m also writing a book and he is in it. But with a different name. So my secret may stay hidden. At reahersal breaks we go down to the café beside the theatre and get lemonade and dance in the rain and he made me bring my school sceduale for this year to him. He gives me advice about teachers and has told me we are sitting together at lunch this year. He asked me to see our favourite Musical “Beauty and the Beast” with him. It got all complicated so I went with my friend and we saw him all by himself so we hung out with him at intermission and at the end. He asked me to come back with him the next week. He ended up coming with me and my family. My dad likes him. (sooo surprising my dad approves of a boy) My mum is getting used to the fact I am close with boys now. And my brother and sister adore him. He has called me and he always tells me to call him anytime. In one year our relationship has grown and matured so much. I feel like I’ve known him my whole life. I will always on some level love him for what he has done. I wish and pray he is the one for me.
"I will love you until the end of time!"