My heart aches for the boy I loved when I was 17. we met on my uncles peanut farm where he worked. my mom had died, and I came to live with my uncle. I was an innocent 15 year old girl, and he was 17. we fell in love that summer. he went back to Brooklyn from school. thousands of miles from my new Mississippi home.
I was sure he would find someone new. but he came back for me the next summer. at the end of the summer, he got sick, and came over to tell me he wasn't going back to school. he had cancer. but we believed he had a great chance of living. as a 16 year old girl, I watched my 18 year old love fade away.
I watched him get sick, and I watched him lose his hair. every night I cried myself to sleep. he asked me to marry him on his deathbed. he said he knew he wanted me to go through life knowing that was his intention. he loved me. and I told him yes. because that was my intention. and we cradled each other as he slipped from this world. and he whispered that we would meet again.
I wasn't sure, until a month later I found out I was 3 1/2 months pregnant. At 17 I had my very first child, and I met Andy again in our daughters face. I am 27 now, and still miss Andy so very much. Andrea is 10. I grew up fast, but do not regret anything. I just wish Andy was here. although sometimes I swear he is when Andrea smiles. I am so happy I had this little treasure to remind me of him.
I got married again when I was 23. I had 2 twin boys with this man Ty, although we were only married a year. the boys, Lance, and Jillian are 3. after the boys were born I knew I couldn't fool myself into thinking I could really love Ty. he was crushed, and I hated hurting him, but he had always known about the empty place in my heart. we are still the best of friends, and do everything for our boys.
I don't like to imagine dying alone, but I think I probably will. I know that I can find another, and that Andy wouldn't be the only one for me ever. but I would rather him be.
Things happen for a reason. I am content to be alone forever, I am, because the love Andy and I shared can last me the rest of my life. maybe I will again find love. but, I do not expect to find someone to take his place. and I am not looking. I am content in life to raise my three wonderful kids, and go to heaven in my own time so that I may be with Andy again. I know he's there waiting.
I am happy, and lead a happy life. I am a business woman, and pta mom for my daughter, and take the boys every Saturday to the park. my life is full. When my mother died, Andy came into my life and filled all the cracks of my broken heart. When Andy died, Andrea filled the cracks. I feel whole, but just know that someone is waiting up there for me. getting there one day when I am old and grey
......those are my intentions.