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      My Allan

     



Two years ago, I had the shock of my life when my high school boyfriend and I broke up. We were the two who everyone thought would get married. But, with the end of senior year wrapping up, and both of us with many things to do, our perfect relationship- became not so perfect very quickly. We were friends before we were together, and that ended too. I broke up with him after prom, because I needed a break from the fighting. I wasn't use to it with him. then we decided not to get back together.


For a long time I was sad, and depressed. Not myself at all. I dated several different guys but had no desire to get close to anyone. I missed my ex very much. At the end of summer, he went away to college, and I started a new job, and was going to a community college. I still missed him, but I was starting to see that things could never be the same.


I dated a guy for a while. He was a really nice guy, but I once again had no desire to be with anyone.


Until the day that I met Allan. I no more than was introduced to him, when I realized that there was "life after love". He became my new passion. I ate, slept, drank Allan.


He was much older, and my boss, so I was sure he wouldn't be interested. I was like a 12 year old girl with a bad crush. I would stay late when he closed just to be able to be alone with him. I just loved talking to him.


We started talking on the phone, and became friends. he knew that I had feeling for him. Out of fear of getting in trouble for dating he tried to persuade me to move on. But, he was always the nicest person. I couldn't let go though. I felt like it was love at first sight. Sometimes, I am not sure if I believe in that until I reflect on the first time I looked into his glassy blue eyes. Right when I first met him, and I immediately felt resuscitated. I was brought back to life.


I ended up leaving that job to pursue a different career, and to see if we might be able to further our relationship. We had begun seeing each other as friends, but of course I wanted more.


A month later we became an us. That was over a year ago. We've had our share of hard times, but no matter what happens between us, I can't seem to let go. There are many differences I feel will never allow us to be soul mates, but hope, and faith in us, keeps us both working for our relationship.


I just know I love this man very very much. With all my heart. Not because he's mine, but for the kind of man he is, what he believes, what he laughs at, what he fears, what he wants, needs, cries about, smiles about, touches, feels, is sensitive to, who he wants to be, is , and was.


If I loose him, I know I will never find another like him. He made me believe again. I had lost hope in thinking there could ever be someone for me.


I was once told that something worth having is worth working for, and that is why he and I are still together. Something inside me tells me he's the one I need to be with.


I was once at a place in my life so low, I thought I would never pick myself up again. It's then that you learn there is something even better for you. Something more. Allan is that something for me.


His love has shown me that there is always hope. Never give up. I know sometimes it feels like you will never be okay again when you loose something dear to you. Well, you will. Allan is proof of that. In losing something silver, I found a piece of gold.


Allan, I will always love you forever.

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