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Stupid heartbroken teenager

17 May, 2003

I guess anyone could have a story like mine, it could be in different words and sentences but it could always mean a similar thing. All people might seem different but yet still, they all have the same feelings inside their heart and soul.

Well it all started at the beginning of 2003, when during the 2nd week of school I was late into class and as I walked in there was a new guy in my class. We got to know each other straight away, well you would if you sat next to them anyway. We got to know each other better and after a few weeks we started flirting a bit and nearly every night we spoke over the phone for nearly 2 hours, we spoke about everything especially how we felt about each other and all the consequences of sleeping with each other, what would happen if I was carrying his baby, what would happen with our families, and everything else about love and relationships and all of our problems. We ended up writing letters to each other basically everyday, one day he wrote me 2 or 3 letters in the same day.

So everything all seemed good. That went on until Valentine's day, I found out that we had a compatibility of 95% and a love percentage of 110%. Well I found out that a few of my friends liked him a lot, and a few other guys liked me and I had to let them know I didn't feel the same way about them. So on Valentine's day he gave me my favorite chocolate, we found out how much we had in common, but at first I said to him that I couldn't accept it and I told him not to get me anything, but he still did. So after school we both came out of maths and we were hugging and he asked me out, I was so STUPID, I said NO!!! when I loved him so much and he was everything I wanted in a guy and I said NO. I told him the reason I thought he understood, but a few weeks later one of my friends (well thats what I thought) asked him out and he said yes to her. She knew I still liked him, and yet she did that.

Now all I can do is cry because he does not love me anymore. He hardly speaks to me now and I wonder why. Is it because I turned him down? or because I am so pathetic about this? I don't know except I wish I did know why!!! But for now I guess I will never know. I still love him heaps but its all too confusing in my mind. We don't call, we don't write, we don't flirt. every time I look at him I feel like crying.

I have tried drinking away my sorrows but it never works, they just come back to me when I become sober again. I've told people how I felt, I have asked my sister to ask the angels for me, I have tried everything but nothing seems to work. I don't know what else to do.

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