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The most painful thing in life

15 December, 2002


I came here 8 years ago and met this wonderful, charming, good-looking guy. We were together for about 3 years and he showed me how much he loved me. And that time I knew he would die for me.


We were engaged to be married but things never worked out the way they should have. He moved away just to get over me. Came back a year after and we became friends. When he started going out with another girl, it struck me so hard that I was still in love with him. I went out with his friend in order for me not to feel the pain but months after I became pregnant and started living with the guy. He was so heartbroken about the whole thing but it was too late when he admitted to me that he still loved me. I cried so hard that day but there's nothing left to say but goodbye.


Years had past and I got separated. I don't know if it was fate or not, but he was the one who comforted me that day. A shoulder to cry on. We started seeing each other secretly but it seems like he didn't want to give himself fully to me. When I decided to break things off with him, 3 weeks after I found out that I was pregnant with his child. The same day I also found out that the whole time he was with me
he was also engaged with another girl. I just let him go, hoping that someday he would still come back. But you know what, it never came true, instead he went out with another girl right after his fiancée' broke up with him. WHY????? Never even thought of his own child. Even if he always sees his child as if he never wanted him at all in this world. He doesn't want to be a part of his life. That's the most painful part, if I could only turn back time I would start from the beginning. But then again I wouldn't want to lose my kids.


Why is it that the most painful thing in life is to love someone so much that doesn't even care or love you back??? Why am I stuck with this person for so many years? How come I can't move on? Sometimes I don't want to live anymore. Come to think of it the only thing I did wrong is to love him so much more than I love myself.

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