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I left my heart in Chicago

12 November, 2000

I waited 11 years for my dream man. My soulmate. I was in a relationship previously for 23 years and was really disillusioned so I promised myself that I would not make the same mistake twice. How naive could one be? So, for 11 years I did not date. I wanted to find myself. To know who I really was.

Early last year I decided that I was ready. I knew exactly what type of man I wanted. He would be honest, sincere, caring, passionate about life and he would trust me implicitly and allow me to be myself. In return I would offer him the same. I decided that I would try Love@aol. Maybe that would be a good forum. I had never tried anything like this before but it would be a start. So I did my profile, sent a picture and waited...I got quite a few answers and on Feb 27th 1999 I hit the jackpot. I finally thought I had found him. My soulmate, the man of my dreams.

For the next 3 months we emailed and spoke to each other on the phone several times a day and I was so happy that I had to pinch myself. How did I get so lucky? We finally decided that I would go see him because he had just started a new job and we both lived about 1500 miles away from each other. So there I was, at Chicago O'Hare waiting in the baggage claim area for my dream man to come sweep me off my feet and take me away. We spent five days together. Five wonderful days. He was everything that I had ever wanted. I was happy, he was happy. He wrote me pages and pages of beautiful poetry. He writes in his spare time. Life was great!

He proposed to me and in June this year I moved to Chicago to live with him. We got married on August 18th and we could not be happier. Or so I thought.

On Oct 2nd I left for Miami to be there for the birth of my first grandchild. We had discussed it and he said he was fine with it. I would go back to Chicago to meet him and we would drive together to Miami for my younger son's wedding. I felt that he was not happy with me leaving because he kept asking me if I was coming back and that if I didn't he'd come and get me. I left on Amtrak, which took 2 days to get to Miami. On the first day he left six messages on my cellular phone telling me that he loved me so deeply and that he would miss me. I could not contact him because of the phone signals. I contacted him when I got to Philadelphia to change trains and from there I noticed that something was different in his voice. I got to Miami late the next night and called him again and he was so rough with me on the phone. He said that he had things to think about and he would call me. He did not call. The next night I called him and again he was very cruel to me. The next day I received an email from him saying that he wanted a divorce. He had made a mistake and please don't contact him because he had nothing to say. I emailed him and asked for an explanation. I never did get one. I asked him that we try and work things out. Whatever it was, but he was so adamant that he wanted a divorce. He told me not to bother to go back to Chicago. He would ship my things to Miami for me. I had to go back. I had accounts with him and other loose ends to tie up. So I went. I never saw him. He refused to come to the house. We spoke on the phone one time and he told me to get out of his house. I packed my stuff and closed accounts etc. It was the worst time of my life. All I did was cry. I have never heard from him again. I am attempting to move on.

Some days are very hard and I would like to stay in my room and hide from the world. I am still not able to face my friends and I hope that I can get over this, but I feel so betrayed. I have all these emotions fighting to get out. All I want is to feel good again. I do not want to wait another 11 years, I may not have that time. So one day soon I hope to meet the man of my dreams again.

Does he exist?

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