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Every now and then i fall apart

20 February, 2009

It started off with a boy...he was my sisters friend, and she used to go on and on about the immature and stupid things hes said. I never really knew him until one day, in the summer time. We started talking a lot and got to know each other he had a girlfriend but always told me he liked me and asked me to hangout with him, i knew what i was doing wasn't that great. The two of them broke up and we started going out in October 10, 2008. Oh yeah, i forget to tell you. I'm 13 hes 16, not a big deal to me. To my sister? HUGE...you have to know her, shes an over-dramatic drama queen sister. When shes mad, you don't want to be there. We chose to keep it a secret but this is where you're about to get confused. He dumped me after four days then actually begged me to go back out with him and when i did he cheated on me. He was the boy who had my heart, and didn't have any potential to care. Hes the one who gave me my first heartache and ruined my grade eight year.............I gave up a lot for him and still managed to give him more and more chances, how many? i gave him 5 after that. Yes, 5 breakups and makeups. He was just in the middle of trying to get me back again, and i was just in the middle of giving in again except- i found out he cheated on me again this time it was worse much worse...l won't even explain what he said but i was furious i told him never ever to talk to me and blocked and deleted him hoping i would never EVER have to see him again. I went out with his cousin...just after that, i was lonely and hurt i didn't really  know what i was doing i just wanted to feel like someone actually cared. and his cousin, did. He managed to ruin our relation ship and tell my sister now my sister thinks I'm huge whore and constantly yells at me shes embarrassed of me. Do you know how bad that feels? To not be able to go to your own sister or mom. It sucks. 100% sucks. This doesn't seem like much but I've lost so much trying to be with him and now hes trying to get me back again, I'm not sure whether to give in or let go. If i gave in I'd be happy but still have the constant worry hes going to cheat or lie-bottom line, i wouldn't trust him. But if i let go, i'll lose him for good? right. and im not sure if im ready for that just yet. I just need help to find my way and im scared. If you guys have any idea...please just tell me, oh and my sister did find out about us eventually. and she hates me and him for it. she read out conversation history and made a huge deal. went on my msn blocked and deleted him and off my facebook. anyways just leave a comment on how i can solve this cause i dont know anymore.....

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