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The one that got away

17 February, 2009

I have always been insecure, my weakness made me lose my first true love.

I met him when I was 17 on a chat,he was ALOT older than me. I won't say how old because its irrelevent and I don't want you to judge.

We clicked the second we started talking. It was exciting, gave me butterflys when I thought of him. Had a big smile on my face all day everyday. He would call me and talk for hours an hours on the phone. He told me he was inlove with me. Knowbody had said that before. I felt this acke in my heart. I was starting to really fall for him.

He made me feel so good about myself, told me i was beautiful. He asked to meet, but I was scared he wouldn't like me. I have a weight problem, but he said he didn't care and he loved me so much. We were so inlove, this was the first time I had ever been truly happy.

But then I did something terrible. I was drunk and a guy kissed me, and I let him because it felt good to be noticed. I started to sober up and I felt so terrible, I txted him that night and told him. He's never forgiven me since.

" I keep picturing it in my mind..you kissing him as you close your eyes. Cos I know you did" I hurt him so much.

I've lived with regret for 9 months. He won't forgive me.

I've lost my soul mate. I've tried to make it up to him but he's changed. He hardly speaks to me. He's shut me out of his life. I miss him so much. I ask him " do you love me or not, just say it. Cos if you don't then I have to try and move on cos its tearing my heart" all he said was " I will never say I don't love you"

But, he doesn't want to be with me.

He said to call him when im older, that hurts because then it'll be to late.

Most nights i cry myself to sleep, thinking of all the happy times we shared.

All the sweet things he said to me. He asked me to marry him to show how important I was to him. Other nights I distract myself keeping myself buisy cos it hurts to think of him.

Now he's gone. Ill never love anyone as much as I love him. I still hold onto this hope that one day hell change his mind and we will be together again. That's the only reason I keep going.

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