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Will I ever be truely happy?

15 February, 2009

 My name is Brittany I am 17 and I have only been in one relationship.

 

 It all started out with my cousin being addicted to drugs. She started going to NA (narcotics anonymous). She took me with her a couple times for support. I met Chris the first time I went and he was really nice. He was clean for 5 years. We talked about how he was doing in his recovery and I gave him my number the second time I went. I just knew he was still having troubles so I wanted to help him.

 

 He called me a few times when it was really hard for him. He also called a few time just to talk. We ended up hanging out and I started getting feelings for him even though I was 15 and he was 23. He said he had the same feelings for me. We started going out with my cousin and her boyfriend. We had to keep our relationship secret from most people. Basically everyone but my cousin. We talked everyday and night. He would call me chat with me on-line and even text me and send me pics of himself. I did the same.

 

 We were going out for almost 9 months and he said he loved me. I told him that I also loved him. But what he didn't know was that I didn't love him, well at least not the same way he loved me. One day we were on a date and he drove my home. Since my parents were gone for the night. We sat in the car and talked for an hour or so. He started talking about sex. I told him that I wasn't ready. But he kept saying he loved me and if I loved him I would do this for him. He kept saying he hasn't been with anyone in 2 and a half years and he wanted me to be the one to make him feels so good again. I kept refusing. Then he told me he would start doing drugs again if I didn't have sex with him. I was REALLY scared that he would go back to his old ways. But I told him I couldn't do this for him because I wasn't ready and EXSPESIALY not under the conditions. He told me to get out and that he was going to go get his drugs. 

 

 I didn't get out. He started yelling at me and saying that I was a waste of time and I didn't mean anything to him unless I would do something I did NOT want to do. I started crying, he called me a little worthless baby!!!!!! I got my phone out and called my cousin to see what she said I should do. She told me not to do anything that I didn't want to do, to get out of the car and let him make his own mistakes. So I did what she told me. He left and came back an hour or two later. came to my window all drugged up. He told me that he was sorry and he wanted me back. So I let him in. BAD IDEA!!!!!! He started kissing me and it was unusaul  he never held me like that, it was to rough. It HURT really bad. I told him to let me go but he wouldn't. I was yelling and trying to get free.

 

 I finally got free I ran to the bathroom and locked the door. I called my cousin and her and he boyfriend showed up and her boyfriend took Chris outside to talk and so he could calm down. My cousin and I waited in the living room for them to come in. The finally did and Chris started appaulagising. He asked if I would take him back but I couldn't. I loved him but I couldn't deal with him saying he would go do drugs if I made him mad or said "No".

 

 To this day I am still friends with him. I told him I would be there for him and I always will be as long as he NEEDS me to be..

 

 

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