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09 February, 2009

i met him in my science class,he is attractive in any sense (since some of my friends confessed their attraction towards him in silence) and yet he does not seem to care about this. what is important to him were studies and basketball. it was senior year when i realized that i too, was attracted but i don't have the slightest intention of letting him know since we are parting ways after graduation. the only memory that was left for me is the first dance i had with him during the seniors night. we graduated and we parted ways. i had my boyfriend and was in the middle of my sophomore when i learned that he is moving in to my school. i took the news as a very good news since i haven't heard any of him after that night.never did i imagined that his transfer was a blessing in disguise. it was also the time when i finally gave up with my present boyfriend whom i really love that much. an attitude problem (he cant live with a single gf). and what i really hate the most is that whenever he asks me for another chance it always end up with a yes!i feel sorry for myself. but i know i cant completely turn him down if my attention is still on him. there i made the most selfish decision ever. i accepted my "friend's"(the one mentioned above) offer to be his girlfriend and i told him that i was not making that decision because i love him but because i want to stop myself from making a foolish decision of making my way back to my former bf.he just smiled and told me that whatever my reason is what is important is me being his gf. from then i felt the special care, love and concern i was deprived of by my ex,who i totally forgot. i learned to love him...really love him.yet i did three inconsolable mistakes which up to now i regret. i had an affair with my bestfriend, a co - employee and a former bf. and i had all the guts to tell him all about this.i was expecting for an outrageous emotion but what i had was "it's the past, i forgive you and i love you". i realized that i cant find somebody as good as he, that i should keep him for good. however, i got bored and impatient.i became a nagger and want to change things.i use to start a confrontation everyday with him being very silent in all of those. and he said that not all the things that i want him to do makes him grow, better and happy. that every mistake i commit with another man makes him lose his confidence. suddenly i felt like i was slapped on my face. that was the time that i let him go to give him chance to grow, be better and be happy and most of all to regain the confidence that was slowly deteriorating in silence. he was not in favor of my decision but i insisted. that is the least i can do to help him. now i am alone i may not be happy but at least i learned my lesson and i know i did the right thing out of love.i still love him...

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