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One chapter of my life

07 February, 2009

this one here is the saddest chapter of my life...

the deepest pain we'd ever have to endure does not really have to deal with our relationships with the guys we date, i believe those heartaches comes from our own family and the issues that threatens the bond among the members...

it goes this way...

it was summer, 2007. my mom, my ex and i was waiting for my brother -dong and his wife to settle their things in front of our relative's store located just infront of the park and the gym where people usually go to during summer for the fiesta. way back then, dong and his wife sells barbecue. that day my bro was really in a good mood. he was jolly and was fooling around while grilling the barbecues. before we left the stand, my bro and his friends started drinking with which my mom told them to drink moderately. night came, i was watching tv by then and the rest of the family were already sleeping. i couldn't sleep that night so i decided to watch tv and write a letter for my cousin in the states.  whenever i couldn't sleep when i am supposed to be sleeping, there's only two reasons for it. it's either my insomnia is at its peak or something wrong is going to happen. (that i figured the day my bro-in-law died december 2006.) that moment, i didn't concentrate much with watching because i was trying to come up with something to tell my cousin with the letter i was making. but then, i didn't know how to start. on my 2nd thought, i really do not have anything to tell him. but i did manage to come up with something. i was about to finish my letter (with nothing important on it actually) when i heard my bro and his wife arrived the house. they're occupying the room located just beside our house and their dining room is facing my bedroom's window. they came home late that night and they were fighting. i didn't know what it was about and i pretty much didn't care at all (not because i don't really care at all, it's just that i hated seeing or hearing arguments among the family) i thought it was just a small argument that they're having but when his wife started shouting and crying, that's the time i peeked into the window in my room and i saw my bro banged his head on his wife's head and kicked her. my parents were already awake and they went to the couple. my dad asked my bro to stop and my mom assisted my sis-in-law inside our house with their kid. the moment they left my bro in their house alone, he threatened us saying "i'll kill myself if you leave me here". he was addressing to his wife but then what he said didn't matter to any of us. when the rage is finally settling down, we were watching tv and my bro suddenly was very silent. i had this strange feeling that pushed me into my room and peeked into my bro's house. i saw him standing and he seemed to be sniffing. i couldn't see his face because it was blurry by then, all i saw was the view of his right side, from the top on his head upto his shoulders, that's all. STRANGE i thought. i went back to the living room to get my pen, notebook and my glasses. i, for the 2nd time, took a glance on my brother and this 2nd time revealed something that i didn't see the first time i checked on him. I saw him hanging with the extension cord coiled on his neck and he's no longer breathing and i can't see his feet on the ground. when i thought he was sniffing, he was actually choking to death and i realized that only when i saw the cord on his neck. i was not able to absorb what i saw immediately but i ran out from my room, ran through the living room and went as fast as i could to my brother's location without saying anything. i heard my mom asked me why but i didn't bother to respond to her. when i reached the front door of my bro's house, it was locked and so i went to the other door and it was wide open. i entered the room and there i saw my bro hanging!!! he was actually 2 feet above the ground.(no wonder why i didn't see his feet on the ground when i first checked on him). i screamed "what did you do?" and i hurried onto him, grab his waist and tried to carry him and put his feet on top of the table. but i wasn't able to carry him because if his weight and that's the time i called out for help from the guys upstairs. seconds after, my sister ging was already on the scene and she cried while helping me carry my bro. i let go of my bro and looked for a knife to cut the wire connecting him to the ceiling. and then i just heard a loud thud on the table and i saw my bro was already lying on the floor. (i didn't know that my mom was already there helping us and she was the one who handed a knife and cut the wire.) but i didn't waste much of my time. i checked on my bro's pulse, i was desperate to feel just a single beat from his  carotid artery and miraculously i felt one but weak. so i told them that we'll carry him and bring him to the hospital. i was hoping by then that a tricycle would pass by and help us bring my bro to the hospital. when we got out of the gate, there was no tricycle but a scooter passed by and my sister asked help from them. the guy who was driving knows my bro and so they helped us. the driver and my sis-in-law rushed off to the hospital and the rest of us went back to the house to get some necessary things that we thought we'd be needing. i hurried my mom and my sister and we went to the hospital on foot. (it was 3 block away). when we reached the emergency room, i was relieved to see him revived and breathing through an oxygen but he was poorly taking in breaths. i approached the doctor and asked him immediately if he's gonna be okay. the doctor didn't know what to say so instead of givin me an answer he asked me questions about what happened and how things happened. after the necessary interrogation, they transferred by bro into his room. i volunteered to stay with him for that night so my mom and sister could rest. his wife stayed with him too. i didn't sleep anymore. i wanted to stay up just in case he'd wake up. but i felt sad when i realized that his case was serious and that he wouldn't wake up that soon yet. i stayed with him for the rest of his hospitalization. i never wanted to leave his side and i was the only member of the family who could really take care of him since i graduated nursing by then. from the moment he was confined until the day he was discharged, i was with him. i could still remember the moments that i'd sit beside his bed, when he was having projectile vomiting even though he was unconscious, he was also grinding his jaw while sleeping (must be having bad dreams). i'd put the earphones of my discman on his ears and let him listen ti his favorite songs. when he woke up, he was on blunt affect. not talking, just staring at the wall and not responding. he couldn't eat, can't even swallow water because the part on his carotid artery was swollen. all that kept him alive was his medication and the food formula they have been feeding him. i'd turn him every two hours from one side to the other just to keep him from developing pressure sores. i'd barely sleep during those days. i only go home to take a bath and change clothes. just imagine my bro had like 24 bottles or more of mannitol being administered on him one after the other and that drug can kill him incase there was error on administering the drug. it's a medication for the brain. the nurses even had trouble with his IV site because the needle would go dislodged and start leaking and they need to fine another good spot of a doable vein where they could insert another needle and won't dislodge again. his wife was with me checking him out for the first few days. but when the moment my bro woke up and got better, she rarely visits my bro. i couldn't stand the pain seeing my bro sufferring in the hospital. he's been confined for almost a month or more than a month i think, before he finally went home on wheelchairs. his masculine body weared off. i was relieved when we brought him home. but still, even when he was home already i still needed to check on him all the time because he was still weak. i was kinda relaxed by then because he was taking in his formula food with no discomfort. but we were alarmed when one night he kept on moaning. we though he was just dreaming but when i checked on him, ants were crawling on his shoulders and neck eating his flesh! i screamed to call my mom and hurriedly we removed all of the ants from his body. we changed all of his beddings and even placed basins of water to each foot of his bed just as so the ants can no longer reach him. i really pity my bro at those times. days after he got home, i noticed this noise coming out from him when he breathes. i know that he was having phlegm and i know he couldn't cough it out. so i asked my mom to bring him back to the hospital to have it suctioned for his relief. but my mom said he'll be fine. but when he was breathing very noisly and harshly, that's the time we rushed him into the hospital. my mom and i anticipated that he's already gonna go from that point. we lost all our hopes and i heard my mom praying to God that if He's gonna take my brother, may He take him now to lessen my bro's sufferring. i wanted to cry that time but i tried to sniff it out to show my mom that i am strong. while they were reviving my bro in the emergency room, i was checking on his nails and they were all turning violet already and his body was cold and clammy. but God still had mercy on us and to my bro, he was revived again. the doctor said he got dehydrated which is one thing that was not shocking anymore because the weather was really hot by the time he got home. and the nurse had suctioned all of his phlegm out and he was breathing pretty good. in few days after he needed not an oxygen anymore. in a few days, he was home again. but the agony does not stop there. day by day, he'd regain strength and he'd try to stand up and walk. and everytime he tries, i'm not around or i'm out of sight doing some other things. and i'd just hear a loud thud on the floor and him screaming. i'd reach unto him and carry him back to where he was lying. he eventually developed pressure sores during his hospital days, one thing i was so worried about because infection is very rampant once a patient had bedsores. i cleaned it everyday, never missed a day. and since he was not drinking water that much and he's no longer on dextrose, he'd suffer constipation. when he can fully walk again, he'd hurry into our casseroles and look for something to eat. there was even this day when he ate all of the rice from the casserole and minutes after he'd vomit it all out. he'd even eat the food even if it was too hot. we'd always stop him whenever he tries to do something stupid. but in the end, he recovered. for now, my bro is okay. he gained back his weight, even better. and the good thing is he's totally abstained from cigarettes and alcohol. he'd probably forgot those already. his memory is good. the only sad part is, he no longer do what he usually do before. his mind deteriorated, i think. all he do is to eat, watch tv, and sleep. he'd even forget to tell that he needs to go to the bathroom. but still, i am happy that he's okay now. his wife remarried just recently and we're planning to sue her to court because her marriage to my bro is still valid (that bitch!!!). til now, visions of my bro hanging from the ceiling still haunts me in my dreams and whenever i get to remember everything he's been through,i just couldn't help but cry. he was once a tough guy, the gangsta type. i just couldn't imagine that a feared man like him would end up like that just because of problems he can't seem to get over with. but his bad boy years are gone and he's having a new life now. his kids visits him during weekends and that's okay. to hell with his wife. she'll get what she deserves. i am thankful that my bro is still alive and he'll be even better.

you see...things happen when and how they were planned to happen...it surprises us most of the time. this story is evident to the fact that life is too short. we don't know when our time is over...so take chances to bond with your loved ones while you still can. there's no point in wasting time.

in the end, i was able to tell something my cousin with the letter i gave him, in fact, i told him too much news that he can't bear...

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