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Twice lost...

02 February, 2009


   I had an 8 year committed relationship with the man of my dreams which for no apparent reason ended abruptly 3 years ago. He totally cut me out of his life, refused to talk to me, never explained anything,  The last three years without him has been agonizing. I have read so many breakup books, I can write my own. I moved forward with my career, and have met tons of new people, none of which even remotely fill the void of loosing his love. The years just dripped on, and on..the pain never left, but life went on.


  This month, out of the blue he called me. It felt like the dead had been raised. Hearing his voice just re-filled my heart just as 3 years never had passed. We talked on the phone for 7 hours, he told me he still loved me. I thought this was the greatest thing that could happen! We went on for 3 days...decided to start over "with baby steps". I told him we would be fine, we just had to follow our heart. I was so elated!


  On the fourth day, I called him; he seemed different. His attitude, tone of voice, sediments..all different. He then admitted he could not talk to me at that time because he had to pick up his date. He told me he met someone a month ago, and "the things we talked about really were not fair to her."  Fair to her!?(believe that?)  Eleven years of my life in total, and I now have to worry about fairness to a person he has known for one month! Where was my fairness as I writhed in pain the past 3 years? What was fair about being left for no reason? This is how he followed his heart...go on a date with someone else. To make matters worse, this girl is 10 years younger than me. All the pain rushed through my veins, I cried like a baby...he went on that date anyways.


    Needless to say, the next day, I ended our 'new/old relationship'. My mistake was believing he would feel the same, and want the same. The whole thing just hurt so much! I had to say good bye.  I know its for my own good, and this was my decision, but I lost the most important man in my entire life twice now! ..and it just hurts.



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